Spooky

Its come round to spending another day at college. Granny hates going and she doesn't enjoy being in the company of Blondie for longer than she has too.

Granny was again the first to arrive, anyone would think she was eager. Blondie's Bitch was the next to turn up and she had her baps out!

This was a tactical ploy to distract Blondie as much as she could. He always has an eye on her ample bosom. Things haven't gone too well for her just lately, so this was her next move.

It might just earn her some brownie points and help things along the way.

He was the last person to come strutting down the corridor. I suppose we should have realised something was going on because he had a blue shirt on - he never wears blue. Still got the dodgy stain though - no change there.

He greeted us all with this "smile" bloody hell, that was frightening in its self. Blondie don't smile unless he has wind.

We all trooped into the classroom and plonked ourselves down ready for a crap day. Perhaps Granny is being a bit too negative. But it is always a crap day in his company.

There was no mention of recent events and he dished out the days work. It was a past test paper for us to complete.

The thing that shocked Granny most was that he didn't give us any verbal as he was dishing the stuff out.

Its very unsettling you know when you are waiting for something and it doesn't happen.

Granny and Blondie's Bitch exchanged glances as both were very puzzled. There she was with her baps on display and he didn't even blink an eyelid. He didn't even notice them. Think someone must have slipped some bromide in his tea.

We all sat waiting for him to give us some grief before telling us to get on with the paper, but it didn't happen.

Blondie actually for once started to go through the paper from start to finish with us all in tow. He actually stopped to allow people to catch up if they had fallen behind. Summat was going on here - it was very unnerving.

The old bird thought perhaps that this was his twin brother just covering the days session for him. This was not our Blondie and it was frightening the old gal.

Even when Mr Angry had a bit of a do, Blondie gave us that smile again - very puzzling indeed?

Blondie gave us a 20 minute break because we had all "done so well" - bloody nora.

He returned after the break and trotted into the classroom - again with that "smile". Somethings definitely going on this was not normal.

Poor old Granny had a bugger of a time concentrating as she was busy staring at him to see if she could spot anything amiss.

The lesson came and went without a hitch and Granny got called angel by him and was called by her christian name instead of the full title he usually dishes out.

When the lesson was over he signalled to three colleagues (BB, BC and Mule) to stay behind. You won't know mule cos he doesn't normally attend this lesson.

Granny and team waited for BB to return. She came out saying that Blondie spoke about having a threesome. Granny told her that it twas them baps that did it. But it was just Blondie having one of his little jokes. He was slipping back into his old routine.

The team went to Zen to discuss the days events. We all came to the same conclusion that the old git had had a swift kick up the backside as his attitude was one we had never experienced.

Granny thinks words have been said as there have been so many grumblings about the Tango Whiskey Alpha Tango (Granny got that from a friend).

For once, today had been very uneventful, but Granny is pleased to say that she feels as though she has learned quite a bit, and dare she say, that she has enjoyed it.

Blondie showing human kindness is very alien to him and the old gal thinks someone has paid him a little visit in the night and given him a brain transplant. Hope to christ they don't come back for it!

It will be interesting to see if Blondie can keep it up (being nice is what Granny is talking about).

Just a little prick!

Granny has been dreading today after walking out of her exam a few weeks back. She was certain Blondie was going to make an example of her in front of the class.

The old bird has had a few sleepless nights and has probably consumed to much of the devils blood to blot out the painful memories of that unfortunate day.

Its been a beautiful day today weather wise but the day was marred by knowing what lay in store for Granny.

The old biddy managed to get a great parking spot right next to the college - maybe it was a good omen of things to come (stop trying to kid yerself).

Granny got into the lift and went up to the 3rd floor. It was bloody mayhem up there. The corridor was packed with teenagers all talking at the same time, all sprawled out and making the place look untidy.

Granny thought what the hells going on, too much frivolity especially as the old gal was about to meet her maker.

She couldn't even sit down while she waited for Blondie, but had to prop herself up against the corridor wall for support until the old git turned up.

When Blondie walks up the corridor it is like a scene from the bible where Moses parted the water. In B's case - the students part to allow Percy Peacock (aka B) to glide through the throng, then the gap suddenly closes as quick as it opened. Oh how he loves it.

We all sat down and waited for the onslaught, especially Granny - she was ready for whatever he threw at her.

He started off saying that he had had a sleepless night worrying how he was going to tell some students that they had failed (that would be Granny then).

He said that he had divided the students into three groups.

Group 1 Straight pass no extra work - could go home.

Group 2 Almost a pass -some extra questions - need to sit on the back row to complete.

Group3 Fail - sit on front row and go through the test paper and will have to re-sit in May.

He hand-picked all the students that could go home and sent them on their merry way.

Blondie then proceeded to stand in front of students and tell them that they either had to go on the front row or the back. This was the moment Granny was dreading.

B came to Granny and looked at her and then said in a really loud voice - BACK ROW. Granny looked at him and said she didn't want to go on the back row because she had not completed the paper and wanted to have another shot at it.

Blondie again said "BACK ROW" don't be stupid, what do you want to take it again for - BACK ROW. So Granny picked up her belongings and sat on the back row with two other buddies.

The old gal looked at her exam paper to see where she had gone wrong and to look at the bits she hadn't completed. The old trout couldn't believe it "B" had actually written excellent on one of the bits he had marked.

Was Blondie inebriated at the time of marking the paper? Did he realise it was Granny's paper?

She will never know, but I suppose the old bat should be grateful that she didn't have to re-sit the exam - as long as she got the extra questions right then she would be on her way.

The three of us who had the little extra to do got going on the questions, while Blondie went through the test paper with the other students who were less fortunate than Granny.

Now Granny is not sure how Blondie digressed from going through the test paper onto the topic of condoms!

Clearly it was a subject he enjoyed talking about and went on to say that in his younger days, he would often buy a pack of three for the weekend. He then went onto say to the young lad sitting next to Granny, that he bet he would use a pack of three in one evening.

Now Granny was puzzled as she couldn't really see a connection between AAT and condoms, but after looking very hard into the matter, she came to this conclusion.

Condoms and Blondie have a great deal in common.

Condom - Inflates when blown up
Blondie - Inflates - when ego stroked

Condom - Well oiled
Blondie - Well oiled - after pub lunch

Condom - Made for ******
Blondie - Is a *****

Condom - Effective rate 90% against pregnancy - 10% pregnancy
Blondie - 90% fail rate and 10% pass

Granny is sure that there are lots of other similarities but they would be too rude to even mention.

It was soon time for the visit to Zen, this is the place where the "team" meet to chill before starting all over again for the late session.

Granny really loves it there and there are lots of weird and wonderful sights to experience while enjoying a latte and jacket tater.

Back at the ranch it was all systems go but was enjoyable and have lots of homework (as always) to do before next week.

Granny didn't have the opportunity to take Kinky home as he was on a promise, so the old bird went straight home.

She is somewhat disappointed though as she can't have a glass of her favourite tipple before beddie byes as she has to fast for 10 hours.

The old gal has got to for a battery of blood tests in the morning and it just wouldn't do to have the devils blood running through her veins.

Its well past the old gals bedtime so its time she was off and headed for the land of nod.

A prick of a different kind for Granny tomorrow!

On Vacation.

If you are looking for Granny then you are going to be disappointed. The old bird is taking a well earned rest from the trials and tribulations of Blondie.

The owd geezer has done his best to try and put Granny into an early grave, but the old bird is re-charging her batteries as we speak. The old biddy will be on top form on her return in just under a weeks time.

The old git might have thought Granny was about to crumble and give in when she threw a wobbler, but no - the old gal is akin to Super Gran and the old woman has neat Shiraz pumping through her veins and ready to tackle the next onslaught.

There will be tears, blood, guts and gore - but they won't be Granny's.


Behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon!

Checkmate!

Game Set and Match to Blondie

Granny has had one hell of a day so this blog will probably be short, miserable and bloody depressing.

What started off as a lovely day got progressively worse by the hour. Granny picked her new car up from the garage (the one she has been waiting 3 months for) and was in high spirits ( and no not the alcohol type).

It was a good start to what was going to be a hard day ahead.

The 2nd part of the exam at college was waiting. As usual, Blondie wasn't around to oversee that the classroom was fit for purpose and it was left to Mr A to get it sorted and he made a great job of organising it.

Granny made some errors on the paper last week but could correct them this week to hopefully get the rest of the paper right.

But what did the old bird do - she faffed around and wasted 3 hours trying to get her net profit sorted and ended up not being able to complete the paper.

Towards the final section of the paper Granny had a little talk to herself and asked why the hell she was putting herself through this, she didn't really want to do it anyway, so she made an executive decision and decided to call a halt to it all.

The old gal gathered up her bits and bobs and shoved them into her trolley and signalled to Blondie that she needed a word in his ear.

Granny had to wait a little while before she could talk to the old git, but in Granny's eye it was worth waiting for as she would be finally rid of this crap and be able to start living a normal life again without having the extra worries.

Granny told Blondie not to bother marking her paper because she wouldn't be coming back and she had had enough and this would be the last time she would be at the college.

Blondie was quite surprised by Granny's little outburst and went on to say not to throw in the towel as the end was in sight.

He said he would mark the paper anyway and to come back after the Easter holidays and we could talk it through and take it from there. Granny nodded in agreement just to pacify him but she had already made her mind up.

Granny and Blondie's Bitch went to Zen to meet up with Kinky to tell him the bad news that Granny would be leaving "the team".

None of us were our chirpy selves, we have all had enough of Blondie's teaching methods and today just finally put the nail in the coffin lid.

Granny was in two minds whether to go home and not bother with the evening class, but decided to attend and at least show some courtesy to the other tutor and explain the situation.

Granny sat through the whole evening and didn't feel under any pressure because she knew she was going and the old gal found that she quite enjoyed the evening and finally managed to understand some of the lesson that she was doing. Sods law!

Once the lesson was finished Granny met with the tutor outside the classroom and explained the situation. She was absolutely lovely about it and did not want Granny to throw it all away after coming so far.

This lovely lady actually cared and has offered extra tuition to get Granny through. The old bird could not be churlish and refuse this help and has agreed to see it through.

Normally Granny is a fighter but feels as though she is up against a brick wall with Blondie (oh god perish the thought). He doesn't instill any positivity and only dishes out negative comments which have a very demoralising effect.

The college will be closing for two weeks due to Easter, but Granny will still be attending and getting the extra tuition that has been offered and hopefully, Granny can salvage something out all this mess.

See you in two weeks if Granny hasn't done one!