Turbo charged!

The day that Granny had been dreading had finally arrived.

Today was the first of our exams and Granny was not feeling over confident about sitting it.

For most of the past week she had been trying to think of an excuse for not taking the exam, but short of snuffing it, she couldn't think of anything that Blondie would believe.

Granny is too old for this kind of claptrap, she should be enjoying the twilight of her years knitting bed socks and the like, not gallivanting around school corridors with kids.

But as one of my previous blogs stated, me old boss who is now retired, thought that old Granny would benefit from doing this three year course.

Its alright for him, he's sitting at home with his slippers and pipe, but poor old Granny's life is being shortened by the minute by these nail biting events.

Granny has been doing extra revision in preparation for today's onslaught. She has lived and breathed VAT 100, index linked, ratios and moving averages for the last few weeks.

The old bird should be out there enjoying herself and embracing what's left of her life. She shouldn't be spending nights alone with boring old text books and having to succumb to Blondie's whims!

Last night Granny thought she needed a bit of brain fodder. She thought she should eat something that would give her energy and brain power. The only thing she had in her cupboard was a tin of Branston Baked Beans and Sausages.

Beans are supposed to be good for you, so Granny indulged in this delicacy at around 23:45. This would give the beans chance to do their magic (after all, it worked in Jack and the Beanstalk) and set Granny on the right road for the exam.

Bloody hell!

You have heard and seen nowt like it. Granny woke up to a peculiar green mist and needed to take oxygen before even managing to crawl out of bed. A few puffs on her inhaler did the trick.

Granny's rockets were charged, and by god she could have got to the college under her own steam so to speak.

All Granny needed was a bit of turbo power to set her in the right frame of mind and the old gal was raring to go - rockets on full thrust.

Granny met up with Mr "A", Kinky Sausage, Mini Driver and Blondie's Bitch. We exchanged a bit of chit-chat and we could all tell that each other were bricking it.

Blondie appeared out of the wood work and and went into the classroom, we were not allowed to follow him, he was "preparing himself" (just don't even go there).

There were only a handful of us actually sitting the exam this afternoon as the others had either done it last night, this morning or later this evening.

Blondie's fan club were nowhere to be seen. The Irish Bint and Miss Bum Crack 2008 had already taken the exam so it was really peaceful apart from one little interruption. A fellow student had a bad cough amongst other things and he made her sit outside in the corridor and take the exam! - Note to self - keep yer rockets under control Granny.

The exam was just like Christmas - weeks of preparation and its over in a blink of an eye. Three hours seemed liked three minutes. Was it really worth all the worry and sleepless nights?

Roll on next Wednesday when we get our results. Granny can see an awful lot of bottles of Shiraz being consumed before next week.

There is one bright side to all of this - Granny gets to drink loads of the red stuff as she has a genuine excuse to do so.

Cheers!

Builders Botties - Not!

Now if this is what Granny had to look at all afternoon she would be happy, but no, the old gal has never been that lucky in life.

She was subjected to the most horrific sight you could ever imagine. Right in front of old Granny was the biggest crevice you had ever seen in your life. How the hell the old gal was supposed to concentrate with the Grand Canyon looming before her very eyes, god alone knows.

It was very off putting and Granny was frightened of being swallowed up in the dark depths of one of Blondie's fan club members, bum.

She had to balance her pencil case on a stack of books to block out this scary orifice that was staring her in the face.

Granny felt quite queasy all afternoon and couldn't give Blondie the full attention that he commands.

Talking of Blondie - he is still the same old "knob shank" as my late son-in-law would have described him. He would have had Blondie's measure right from the word go - god rest his soul.

Its been quite an uneventful day really apart from the builders bum incident. Tensions are running high as the exam is next week and I would say that at least half of the class are not ready to take it, including Granny.

Blondie's teaching methods are really something to be desired. How the hell he manages to get paid the dosh he does for teaching a load of bollocks is beyond me. I am not saying that the AAT course is bollocks - its just the bloke teaching it.

He never gives you a chance. He will prattle on about stuff that isn't relevant, mainly about his ex-girlfriends. We have had the one who was going to make him a dad but she lost the baby and he was glad. Then there was another who was a thief stealing stuff from the shop where she worked.

Now I know Granny is a bit long in the tooth, but even she knows that this has nothing to do with AAT. She is still trying to make the connection as she is typing her blog at this very moment.

Blondie should go back to being the porn star, maybe he was better at it than teaching. Me thinks not - you can just imagine, in between his thrusts, he would chirp up "did I tell you about the girlfriend who ........."

Stud Muffin

Granny was feeling a bit under the weather this morning when she got up to go to college today.

She has been of late, over-indulging in beverages of an alcoholic nature and its played havoc with the old gal and brought her bunions up summat rotten.

She has had a tiring weekend mostly blowing her horn and it has really taken its toll on the old bird.

Going to college without all your faculties intact is not the best of ideas, but hey, Granny never has been the full shilling so some people would say anyway.

Blondie arrived early today which caught Granny unawares as he usually likes to strut his stuff down the corridor with his feathers all ablaze then has a quick preen before entering the classroom. But not today though.

He made a beeline for his bitch and asked her to rub his belly for him because he had eaten too much at the Lord Burton. Granny rolled her eyes in dismay coz it made her feel sick.

I swear that the classroom gets smaller each week or the tables have shrunk. Its like an obstacle course trying to get into your seat and you are lucky if you don't go arse over tit while doing the manoeuvres.

Poor old kinky sausage had Mr A's bags up his backside whilst sitting at his desk and Blondies bitch belts Granny in the back of the neck with her bosoomas every time she has to get by. I could put a compo claim in for assault from a pair of maracas.

Blondie as usual, likes the sound of his own voice and tends to digress from the subject matter and ends up waffling over something and nothing that has bugger all to do with AAT.

Blondie confirmed Grannies suspicions (if you had read her previous blogs) that he was a porn star from the 70's era. I knew it - I thought I had seen him in some old dodgy home movie. He went on to say that he had appeared in something with his rock band - entitled "LARGE".

We had a stud muffin in our presence - yuk I think not. "Large" I think he ain't.

The Blondie fan club were like something from "When Harry met Sally". There is one particular fan club member who would lay her life down for "B" her eyes glazed over and she looked all over come! I was in two minds whether to call out the paramedics.

Again, we were working on stuff that wasn't relevant to the up and coming exam. We were working on something that we don't have an exam in until April. This has left us with two weeks to concentrate on the relevant subject matter for the exam in December.

Granny is constantly banging her head against a brick wall trying to grasp the situation. She feels she is missing something here, but not quite sure what.

Our little group had the visit to the "Sanctuary" giving Arnie one last chance to behave. He was very subdued tonight and quite reserved. Perhaps he felt that he had over stepped the mark last week or had read Granny's blog calling him a cruentus appareo!

The latter session was full of the usual mystique. There were quite a few of the class missing this evening. The butch female version of Mr A was absent as was her side-kick.

Mr Nasal Passage was a right pain in the neck. All you could hear all night long was his fog horn of a voice permeating the atmosphere. He even dared to upstage Granny when she was doing her "good girl angel routine" how dare he, how very bloody dare he.

Not sure what we have been taught tonight as I think it could have been done in an email to us as it wasn't very informative. We have all been supplied with a copy of a previous test paper to complete at home for homework.

This aged tutor, cum rock porn star is being paid a load of dosh for teaching us nowt.

Amplitudo ero laetus ut is tractus est super

This college course is playing havoc with Granny's sleeping time. She has to get up early and head off into town to nab a good parking spot that isn't too far away from the college.

Granny cant do much trundling around just yet as her new knee has to bed in a little.

Granny thought she would do a little retail therapy before class and had a meander around the shops looking for an outfit that would be suitable for a 60's/70's night that she is attending in December.

Now you would have thought that the old bat would have had this type of clothing in her wardrobe already, but this granny likes to think she is trendy for her age and ditched the old biddy clothing long ago.

After having a successful shopping spree, Granny headed off for the college scene, with her bloody great big heavy bag slung over her shoulder.

There should be some law about carrying bags that make one of your shoulders droop to your knees. I know your body defies gravity with age, its bad enough having boobs dangling out from underneath your skirt without adding other body parts.

Granny made her way to the the 3rd floor to queue up ready for the classroom to be opened by our Blondie. We all wait in anticipation for this big event. Our team leader aka Mr Angry was in high spirits and gave us the Mr "A" greeting - "hi team".

You can tell what sort of day its going to be by just looking at the students that roll in one by one. We had a chewer in our midst today. He had a gob full of chewing gum and you could hear him slurping on it from about six miles up the road (perhaps exaggerating a bit - but you get my drift).

One of "the team" could have easily done him in by the end of the lesson it got that irritating along with gob on a stick who likes to poke her nose into every ones business. A right miss no-it-all. Don't you just hate people who know everything and get everything right.

Blondie made his way down the corridor - keys at the ready to open the classroom door, when he whispered into his bitches ear that he was pissed. Now granny wasn't sure what he meant by this as she is not used to that sort of language as you can tell from her blog - she is very wholesome.

Blondie has a tendency to say a lot of things tongue in cheek, but sometimes I think he may be speaking the truth in certain areas. Granny has yet to fathom that out. But make no mistake, Sherlock Granny is on the case.

Blondie kicked off the lesson by asking us if we were taught Latin at school. Now I am not sure where this fits into AAT, but Blondie seems to think it has some relevance.

It reminded me so much of one of our other tutors lessons last year, we had to investigate a stabbing. Not quite sure where this fits into the accounting scene, but hey, Granny is a novice, what does she know.

As it turned out, nobody had been taught Latin, not even Blondie, so I am not sure why it was even mentioned in the first place! Blondie sermo a sarcina of ........!

The "teams" sanctuary was calling so we made our way swift on foot. Now me mate with the kinky sausage was in for a nasty surprise. Arnie was waiting for him and pounced on him from behind.

Shock, horror - me poor mate was jabbed, poked, stabbed or whatever you would like to call it, with a knife in the back of his leg. Poor lad was traumatised all night, much to the point that we may need to look at finding a new sanctuary. Not sure where Arnie is coming from, but its not funny anymore - I think he has a screw loose! Cruentus appareo!

Amplitudo est a madide ulterius quod has had unus quoque plures dum stilus is blog.

Bonus nox noctis quod deus beatus.

Battered, Bruised and Bewildered.

Yes folks its that time again - another wonderful day spent at Burton College in the company of our beloved tutor (yuk wheres me sick bag).

Granny got to the college nice and early so she could nab a good parking spot. By getting there at a reasonable time it gave the old gal time to finish off her homework and hopefully earn a few brownie points.

No, she aint becoming a member of the Blondie fan club (not in this life anyway) but just trying to keep the old git off her back.

Mr Angry, who is more composed these days, had a bit of chit-chat with granny. We discussed Blondie's teaching methods or should I say - lack of them. Mr A is quite calm these days probably due to medication!

Blondie's bitch was in fine fettle and had been able to secrete her bags in the classroom before it had been locked until the next lesson started (we have to queue up outside till "B" struts his stuff down the corridor and unlocks the classroom door). I suppose being his bitch does have its perks.

Everyone is shoe-horned into their seats and once you are in that's it, there is no escape. If you didn't know the person sitting next to you intimately at the start of the lesson, then you will do by the end. There is no personal space in this environment.

The first lesson addressed extended trial balances, we have been doing these for the last few weeks. Blondie mentioned that the exam for this wasn't until March! We were all under the impression that it was going to be December. Blondie had failed to tell us this, then he went on to say that we wouldn't be doing anymore work on this until nearer the time. (Shouldn't we be concentrating on the stuff we need to know for the exam that is looming - is granny missing something here? d'oh!)

The "B" fan club were in full glory this afternoon and when sitting behind them you could see little hearts floating out of the tops of their heads. Yes Blondie, no Blondie, any thing you say Blondie, let me kiss yer feet.

Granny wasn't happy today, she likes a good laugh and joke as the next woman, but with "B" he over steps the mark at times.

Today was one of those times. He seemed to think it rather funny to poke fun at a particular type of disability which was more prevalent in our era (Mr A's, B's and Granny's time).

I was not amused. Blondie would certainly benefit from a crash course in diversity training and I told him so, in no uncertain terms.

Later on during the afternoon, Blondie referred back to my reference about discrimination and he said that I had made him feel bad about what he had said - quite right too.

Chippy time - Our little group trotted off to Tommy's for tea. As I have mentioned previously, this is the highlight of our day. We have our own little table and treat it as our little sanctuary after a stressful day.

Now looking at Tommy ( I don't think thats his real name, he looks more like an Arnie to me) you wouldn't think that he could duff someone up - but you would be wrong.

Another of me bezzie mates was on the receiving end of a wallop. This poor chick had done nowt wrong but order sausage, chips and beans.

Next minute Arnie delivered a blow that would knock yer bollocks off. Maybe its some form of greeting, we are still not sure.

Me mate was in shock. Arnie was smiling - which was frightening in its self and then he sent a round of bread for us all to have with our tea. Then to add insult to injury, me mates sausage had a bit of a kink in it and was subject to ridicule - poor lad, he's never going to be the same again, bless him.

The evening session entailed completing a past test paper which is the actual type of exam we can expect in December - and not the extended trial balances as first thought.

"Shite"

Star Studded Cast

It was back to college after having a lovely week off due to half term. It was horrible getting up this morning knowing that I would have to spend the day in our Blondie's company.

I am really trying to like him - honest, I am, but its not working. I think it is a love hate relationship. He loves himself and I, well, I think you know the answer to that one.

Our aged rock cum porn star never ceases to amaze me. He was in full porn mode today and made a number of references to the dodgy side of life. Even me bezzie mate has become his bitch. God what is the world coming to. Slap me bitch up!

Anyway, where was I, we are digressing a little.

Today was full of the usual promises. Gob on stick wore some bloody iffy looking hat which reminded me of Andy Capp (is he still going in the Daily Mirror or has he snuffed it).

The usual Blondie fan club was a bit thin on the ground which must have been quite disconcerting for "B". The front row doey eyed folk were nowhere to be seen, probably having some sort of Blondie firework "do" in his honour - after all, it is November 5th. Light a rocket for me and shove it where the sun don't shine.

I just can't get to grips with his teaching methods (what teaching methods), I thought old Geoff was crap but give me lovely old Geoff any day. At least you could take the "p" with him.

This evening we had a visit from the Simpsons and Julie Roberts. They have got their knickers in a twist with their VAT return and needed our help in sorting out their affairs.

Well - it comes to something when one of the students has to show "B" how its done. By the time we had finished, me head was mush. Figures were being thrown around, here, there and everywhere. Blondie - by his own admission, was struggling with this particular area.

We have found his achilles heel - yay !

Its been an irritating night for granny, Mr Nasal Passage has voiced his opinions and questioned the answers "B" has given - he does this every Wednesday - for christs sake - just accept that the answers are right - Blondie has them written down and has used them for years - you aint gonna change it!

Some biddy had a phone going off at regular intervals with the theme tune Dr Who. I can't take much more - its me age - the old birds had it.

Am I ever going to make it - God - I have another year of this - can I take it - NO!

Somebody, please, help Granny!

All Quiet on the Western Front

Granny didn't know what to expect after last weeks shenanigans but it was all quiet on the horizon.

Mr Angry had his happy head on and he gave me a crafty smile when he walked up the corridor to the classroom.

Blondie arrived in all his full glory strutting around like a peacock with his feathers fully "erect". Ooh er missus.

There is one thing I can say about the intermediate year, you just don't know what to expect - always expect the unexpected and you won't be disappointed - that's granny's motto.

The classroom was hot and stuffy as usual, with the scent of o'dor trainer lingering in the air. It was hard going working in that atmosphere.

Gob on a stick was present and somewhat incapacitated or should that be decapitated. She never shuts up and yes - she is a fully paid up member of the blondie fan club too.

Its hard going this time round and concentration levels have to be at their peak. If you take your eye of the "ball"so to speak, then that's it, you've had it. Talking of balls .......

There are so many little irritations and some bloody great big ones too, I just don't know how I am going to keep it all together.

Last year it was all the kids that got Granny's goat, but this year it goes way beyond that. To be fair, the kids in the class are a decent bunch and very respectful and I have this urge to mother them.

Blondie doesn't seem to grasp the fact that there are several different age categories within the class. I am not sure I like being called "good girl angel" after I have read out a paragraph aloud, as I am almost certain that the chaps are not happy with "good boy". For Christs sake, I am an old bag with three kids and two grandchildren.

The bit I like best about college is when we go to the chippie in between lessons. This is my favourite time and one which gets me through the whole process. Without it, life would be unbearable.

I feel very blessed that I have made acquaintance with some very lovely friends. This little select group of friends are fantastic. They are very supportive and I enjoy their company very much.

We bombard Tommy's Fish Bar every Wednesday afternoon, its the highlight of our day and one I look forward to immensely.

These special people are like a little family to me and make me laugh so much. If it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have continued with the course this year.

The pressures are really hard this time round, and having these wonderful friends around make it so much easier.

I won't mention them by name, but they know who they are. One of them has a bear that wobbles when she laughs, and another, he likes big shiny sausages.

One loves her mini and last but not least, likes to bring his tea with him and looks as though he doesn't have a care in the world. These are splendid people indeed.

I have witnessed another side of Blondie tonight, one I didn't expect. We were just half way through completing a practice exam paper when low and behold the smart board suddenly burst into life displaying the ageing rock cum porn star.

Youtube hosts various video's of our blondie strutting his stuff. OMG!

There was no sound, but seeing blondie shaking his head back to and fro didn't leave much to the imagination. Granny has never seen anything like it in her life.

As soon as I got home I logged onto Youtube to get the full version

Don't give up the day job Blondie!

Mr Angry Goes Bananas

Well - Granny hasn't written for some time, because there hasn't been really much too write home about until today

Okay, the college scene was a big shock even 2nd time round. Blondie is constantly on my case and now has reverted to calling me STS after I tackled him about using my full title in front of the class. Everyone else is called by their christian names - but not granny - no, it had to be the full works.

Blondie is a throw back from the 70's which is a shame as I don't suppose he can help it. He puts me in mind of an aging rock or possibly porn star (the type from the home movies kind) not that granny has been acquainted with any I am sorry to say. There is life in the old gal yet.

The class is made up of weird, wonderful and not so wonderful people.

We have Blondie, who I have already spoken about. Gob on a stick is next in line, she was absent today. Then we have the growler, who constantly makes throaty noises while you are trying to concentrate.

Following close behind is the Blondie fan club. They worship the very ground that he walks upon. They sit there all do-ey eyed and worship every blond hair on his head. Aaahh.

The most exciting of all is the Mr and Mrs Angrys' of this world. There are a few dotted around the classroom. They seem to creep out of the woodwork at the most in-opportune time. They frighten Granny.

Today was one of those days that made Granny sit up and quiver in her little ole wrinkly stockings.

The lesson started off as a quite un-assuming lesson, learning about extended trial balances. Then out of nowhere the fireworks started (it wasn't even the 5th November). Someone had rattled Mr Angry's cage - and that someone was "Blondie".

We have to order books in to do the course and in this case some of Mr A's hadn't arrived, this tipped him over the edge. Out rolled the heavy artillery and we all donned hard hats and camouflage.

It was like a war zone, I half expected that reporter bloke off the telly in the white suit to pop up in the middle and do a TV report. Mr A just lost it and tore old Blondie to shreds.

Mr A wasn't happy about the classroom - which I did mention in my previous blog. It is crap, but Mr A pointed this out to us all with his angry head on. You can't see the whiteboard - or smart- board as it is called (can't see whats smart about it as it is on the side of the wall and we are all facing forwards).

You need binoculars to see what is written on it if you are sitting at the back. This and a combination of other things just sent Mr A bananas.

I can't believe I am saying this - but I did feel sorry for Blondie for a moment until I gathered my senses together and thought better of it. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander sprang to mind.

I can see where Mr A was coming from, but going crazy in the middle of a class is not the best way to resolve issues. In fact it was quite embarrassing.

Anyway to cut a long story short - we all legged it and went to the chippy.



C'est la vie.

Granny's done it again.

I must be bonkers as I have yet again enrolled for another year of hell courtesy of Burton College.

You would have thought that I had learnt my lesson (no pun intended) the first time, but no, glutton for punishment, there is life in the old bag yet.

On managing to pass my first year Foundation in AAT, I was quite spurred on to invest in another year of torture.

Since embarking on this epic adventure, I have now hit the big 50. There is no turning back as I haven't got many years left and these are years I can ill afford to waste.

I went along to the college like a good old granny should and completed the necessaries to enable me to commence the AAT Intermediate. I had a new photo taken - to prove that I am a student and which enables me to have lots of discounts in various shops in Burton.

I have only taken the opportunity of discounts a couple of times as I have always felt uncomfortable at letting the shopkeepers know that an old granny can be a student.

They do look at me a bit queer when I tell them I am a student and then I have to rummage around in me bag to get the damned card out to prove it. I am sure they still don't believe me even though my photo is sprawled across the top of it.

My first class was yesterday (10th September). I went marching through the college doors like an old pro and I gave out death stares and barged into as many other students as possible (that's what you do isn't it when you are at college) and I felt quite a home.

Queueing up for the class it looked better than last years prospects. No kids - maybe just a smattering. Innit and Random were there from last year, but Cool was nowhere to be seen. There was only one three witches from Eastwick too. The others must have gone off on their brooms to warmer climes.

The tutor - well what can I say about him that's kind. He's my age but still living in the era of the 70/80's. He has long blond curly permed hair tied into a pony tale with a nice little neat black ribbon done up in a bow! (God I hope he doesn't read this as I have probably shot me arrow before I have started).

There are 28 of us crammed into a tiny classroom. We are sitting at tables that are designed to accommodate one, but now seat two. There is no air in the classroom as the windows open an inch (that's to stop you committing suicide should the lesson get to much) and when these are open, there isn't anything to stop them banging shut, so its bang bang bang bang bang. Then blondie shuts them so no one can breathe.

The room stinks of orrible sweaty trainers so it's like being trapped in one big sweaty shoe. Its no good if you like your own personal space, because you aint got none in this environment.

The first lesson was all about final accounts and I waited in anticipation for blondie to start writing stuff on the blackboard in front. This year I am crammed into a seat at the front instead of being at the back like last year and having my view obscured by lovely old Vic, who wasn't with us this term.

Apparently, so I am told by blondie, that there is a new policy in place at the college that the use of black boards should be discouraged and that the electronic white boards should be used instead. That's fine - I am all for new technology etc. except this bloody white board is situated on the side walls of the room, but the desks all face forwards.

Try sitting looking at a white board with your neck twisted for 6 hours - it aint fun and its not funny.

Blondie was oblivious to this and didn't seem to see our heads bobbing from side to side every time we had to copy down stuff from the board. I was feeling a big queasy by the end of it all, it was like being on a ship and having sea-sickness.

The content of the lesson is hard going and we have stepped up a notch from last year. Half of the class have already done the 2nd year and have failed so are re-sitting. This makes it difficult for us newbies as blondie ploughs on full steam ahead forgetting that some are being left behind.

Then there is a gob on a stick - some Irish bint who keeps shouting out all the answers and not giving anyone the chance to open their mouth, even though the questions aren't aimed at her.

By the time the end of the lesson came I was in a stupor - not drunken which I would have preferred. I was brain dead and didn't know what had hit me.

I went to sit in my car for an hour before the next 3 hour stint. Gemma my daughter rang me to see how I was getting on, I was determined not to cry into my handbag as I did last year. But she must bring out the emotional side of me. I could feel my voice wobbling when I was talking to her and once again there she was telling me it will get better as each week passes.

The evening session wasn't so crowded, there are only 16 of us, so it was a bit more bearable. The lesson was hard and again, blondie took no prisoners. He's an odd bloke not sure what to make of him yet. He's very sexist and likes his jokes about women and tends to put them down.

He is crap on the computer and makes the students do his typing so it appears on the white board. Its like being back at school as we have to take it in turns to read out aloud different paragraphs of the subject material. You can tell that I am really warming to this chappie can't you.

We have plenty of homework to keep us busy over the coming week and blondie has given us a list of items we need to buy for his next lesson.

I can see me getting lines or detention as I feel quite rebellious at times.

Bring it on Blondie.

The End is Nigh

At last Granny has something to sing about. Only one more week to go and its all over.

June 17th is D Day.

I can't believe how quickly the first year has gone - even though I have hated every minute of it.

One more final exam to go and then thats it until September.

Dear god please do not let me fall at the final hurdle me nerves can't take it.

I shall be able to lay off the wine on Monday evenings for a while. Year two is going to be all day Wednesday.

I will get me wine cellar topped up ready!

When Granny starts again in September she will have a brand new knee, what better way to start a new term and she will be 50.

I can hear you saying what an earth is an old bird like that going to college for - you had better ask my boss that question.

I am doing time - 3 years to be precise at his request, now the old bugger is retiring in July and won't be there to greet me at the gates when I am released. How unfair is that!

The whole college scene has been a learning curve for me. I have learnt many new words, some I can't repeat on here. I won't feel so intimidated next term and will walk through those college doors like a pro!

Well - I shall be packing me little bag up and will be putting it away until the new term starts.

What am I going to do without my Monday stints at college. Will I get withdrawal symptoms. Am I going to be able to cope with not going. Will I find something to fill the void.

You bet your bottom dollar I can.

Long time no speak!

Granny hasn't posted for a while and what better time than now to catch up.

Its the Easter break so I haven't to go back for a couple of weeks. This should give me time to re-charge my batteries a little.

I must admit that the past few weeks have been very tough going and I have really felt my age! We have sat two exams and have the biggy to take on June 17th. I am not sure if I will survive until then.

The learning curve seems to be getting bigger and bigger and my college bag is getting heavier and heavier.

Why can't I be just like the young uns that seem to soak up the knowledge like a sponge. I am like an old wrung out face cloth that's battered and worn.

The first year is getting nearer to finishing and just leaves another 2 years to go. Will I make it I continually ask myself.

Other pressures elsewhere have had an impact and have made it really tough going. Its been hard to juggle work, band and college commitments together. Something has got to give but not sure which!

"Cool, Innit and Random" are still on the scene and still making my blood boil. The have no regard for anyone else but themselves and continually make the lessons difficult. I just hope to god they are not in next years intake because I will probably do one of them in if they are.

This college thing has been an eye-opener for me and the journey to the final finishing post seems to be a long and ardious task and I will be knocking on 52 when I come out the other end.

Hopefully it will put a few extra bob in me pocket at the end of the day and will help towards me pension when I retire in approximately 10 years time. (Civil Servants are done at 60).

Well - I am making most of the two Mondays off before I go back and have hid me college bag away until its time to return.

I must try and post more regularly, but by the time I have come back from college each Monday evening, I am either brain dead or too p####d up to write anything.

See you soon.

Gran xx

The Worm Has Turned

Its been a funny sort of week and its only Monday!

I find it very difficult to prepare myself for college after the weekend. The feeling reminds me of when I was a little girl and absolutely dreaded the thought of having to go back to school and would have done almost anything to get out of it.

But being the brave soldier that I am, I would not succumb to, or even think about skiving! (If you believe that then you will believe anything).

This afternoons session again, involved the use of computers and entailed working our way around the SAGE finance package. I must admit I was feeling rather annoyed today as we seemed to be covering old ground due to the fact that some students couldn't be bothered to work last week.

This had a knock on effect and meant repeating stuff that we had already done. Time is precious and it really angers me that this wasted time could have been put to better use in the work place. Taking a day out from work is so time consuming and it means playing catch up the rest of the week.

Excuse me, I feel a Victor Meldrew moment coming on !!

Today has been an eye-opener for me and my college colleague. We had fired up our PCs ready to tackle SAGE and raring to go. After having a quick shufty around the classroom, we seemed to be the only ones logged into the programme.

The Three Witches of Eastwick who had turned into two, were on a different planet. One was tuned into restaurants in Birmingham and the other was into tarot card readings. One of the witches was also having a conversation on her mobile discussing the previous nights television programmes. Another reprobate was looking at the spec of i-pods.

My colleague and I just looked at each other in disbelief. She signalled to me WTF is going on here. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. I am desperately losing the will to live !

All of a sudden the session was cut short. Bham ! Our tutor had lost his blob! He told us to pack up and backup the work we had done. He then singled out the degenerates and told them he was really pissed off with their behaviour. Good on yer!! Should have been said long ago.

With a bit of luck they will be history next week!

After this afternoons session I was like a druggie - all hyped up with adrenalin pumping through my veins and I couldn't wait for the evening session to commence. It turned out to be one of the best. My brain seemed for once, to except everything the tutor was telling me, and yes, it really did sink in.

Is Granny actually enjoying this whole AAT business !!

Letter from Grandma

Dear All

The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!"

What an exuberant Cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and I started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Margate back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".

I saw another guy waving in a funny way.. with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked your cousin George in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Zulu good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Zululand, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. George burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them. After all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Zulu good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonders.

Love Grandma

Nose to the Grindstone

I can't believe how quickly each week flies by. No sooner am I thanking god that Monday is over, the next one is around before you know it.

I have had a weeks annual leave so getting myself into the right frame of mind for college has not been that easy. Getting my brain into gear has be an arduous task. No time for slacking as the next exam is just around the corner.

The day has not been too bad. This afternoons session was really
good, probably because half of the class was missing (all the naughty ones) and it went really well. Again, as last week, it was computer based so a bit of hands work kept the interest up.

We are now learning about the accounting package SAGE. It seems really odd for me to be using this because we use ORACLE in the work place. It went well though and although I hate to admit it, I really enjoyed it.

I think I am bedding into the college scene now. I can meet goths and other creatures and not bat an eyelid. I have learnt to push and barge my way through just like everyone else, if I didn't, I would get crushed, as I have previously found out to my detriment.

Tonight, again was good, we have been learning all about Purchase Ledgers. I didn't have a clue at one point what was going on when the tutor used a projector linked to her laptop. The writing on the board was minuscule and now I am left with a permanent frown between me brows. Next week I shall take my noculars and hopefully get a better view!

Well that's another week under my belt, only two and a bit years to go!

Dawning of a New Day

Well the day has finally arrived - Exam Results Time! I must admit I have not really thought much about this day coming what with Christmas and Band Concerts.



I didn't feel particularly worried this morning either, in fact I felt quite calm whats done is done and can't be changed.

I had to get up really early as I had a physio appointment at the local hospital for 0830 so didn't have a great deal of time to think about much at all.

This afternoons session at college has probably been one of the most productive ones I have had the pleasure of attending since commencement last September. Although it was computer based it did go quite well. There were only two witches out of the three in attendance so they were rather quite, which was very unusual. The three stooges "Cool" "Random" and "Innit" were also missing, maybe that's why it was a good day.

I managed to slip home before the evening session started and have a bit of a warm as it is bloody freezing in that college.

I made my way to the classroom for tonight's lesson and everyone was asking each other how they thought they had done in the exam. The tutor arrived and I think everyone was trying to read her expression to see if it gave any information away.

The class started at 1800 and she made us wait until 1930 before the completed exam papers were returned to each of us. Now at this point I did feel a bit nervous especially as she went on to say that she was quite disappointed with the results. Oh God that's me up the Swanee then.

I was in for a very pleasant surprise, I had two small amendments to make (which were in actual fact just silly errors). Once these are marked again next week I am home and dry. It was a great feeling, but I did feel really sad for those people that have to re-sit the exam, because that could have very easily been me.

We have more exams to work towards in March, May and June so it ain't over until the fat lady sings!