He's late!

He's late, he's late for a very important date!

Granny has been preparing herself all weekend for today. It was a very important day as it was exam time.

All of us in the class have worked extremely hard to get to this point. Some have easily sailed through, while others (including Granny) have struggled and have had to go the extra mile to get results.

Blondie made arrangements for us to take the exam in another room, which was actually two rooms, but had dividers which opened up to make one large room. The normal classroom is very cramped and stinks of feet and things !!!

The "team" met at our rendezvous point and then made our way to the said classroom. Our fellow inmates were already assembled outside the classroom and raring to get on with the exam.

The classroom was locked so we had to congregate in the corridor outside, we waited patiently for the old git to arrive.

We waited and waited and waited.

Blondie was so pleased with himself last week when he blatantly shared with us that he busks this particular class. He was so proud of himself.

The knob-shank (as my late son-in-law would have said) couldn't even show us any courtesy and arrive on time for the exam. How the hell can any of us show any respect for someone that has so little regard for others?

Eventually he turned up and we filed into the classroom only to find that the partition walls had not be removed, so we had two classrooms instead of one.

Now Blondie might think he is Superman, but even he couldn't split himself up into two so that he could patrol both classrooms.

If the old git had anything about him, he should have turned up at the classroom at least fifteen minutes before the exam commenced to ensure that everything was in order.

But hey, this is a super human, cock strutting, please stroke my ego bloke - with his brains where his balls are, we are talking about.

It was mayhem. There wasn't enough desks for everyone. Blondie sent the "boys" into the classroom next door, while the "girls" (Granny ain't been called a girl for a long time) remained in the one where we had all filed into.

We are all paying nearly a thousand quid to be taught by someone who is so incompetent!

The git wanted to start the exam before the room was ready, saying he would stop the exam in midstream once the classroom had been made into one and would move some people into the adjoining room!!!

One of the "team" picked him up on this saying that it was not ideal. Granny was in agreement. For Christ's sake its hard enough taking the exam without all the added farting around from Blondie

A Knightess in shiny armour arrived, our other beloved tutor came galloping in on her trusted steed and took over the situation. She organised the dividers to be divided so that the two classrooms became one!

By this time a good twenty minutes had passed by, nerves were jangled, (Granny's were anyway).

The knob-shank went into his spiel about no-one being allowed to sniff, cough or if the old git had his way, breathe.

If you did any of the above, then you were out on your ear and there would be no exam. He's a pompous t**t. It was okay for him to cough and splutter whilst we were slogging away!

It was hard going for Granny and she found it difficult in parts. The old gal has made some errors but she will be able to correct them next week when the final part of the exam commences.

Its been a bloody hard day and its taken its toll on the old bird.

The visit to Zen wasn't enough to put a spring into Granny's step. The owd biddy was buggered and she just wanted to go home, but that wasn't possible as there was still another session to go.

The evening session was made up of a mixture of folks who had taken the exam the night before and those during today.

The night before folks were full of life, whilst the today's clan were on their knees. The knightess showed us some kindness and finished the evening class early.

Granny was relieved, and after dropping one of her boys off home she headed for Tescos to see if she could pick up a little Australian number.

Bottoms up - so to speak.

You hum it - I'll play it!

As you know, Granny has spoken about being in a Brass Band and she has a very precious shiny instrument with lots of things that go in and out and up and down.

This shiny instrument had to go in for surgery this morning - nothing terminal, it just needed some new parts and a bit of lubrication to make it work like new.

Granny dropped off her little baby at the Brass Hospital and she gave it a tender hug and kiss before leaving it in the capable hands of the surgeon.

Knowing that her "baby" was undergoing such treatment, played (no pun intended) on Granny's mind and she was fraught with worry.

This impacted on Granny's performance and she felt unsettled all day wondering how much her little "baby" was going to cost her. After all, she had been bled dry by the greedy council bastards a couple of weeks beforehand.

Granny struggles to get by on her pension and has to make sure that every penny is well spent!

Sometimes, when you get up in the morning, you just know its going to be one of those days. You feel it in your watter!

Well - Granny felt it!

The first person Granny bumped into when she got to college was the owd geezer himself. He opened the classroom and let the old bird in so she could rest her weary bones.

Blondie said he was going to do Granny a favour but it would require one back in return! It was one of those you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours type of things! Christ!

Now Granny is long past selling her body so she couldn't think for the life of her what the old tosser wanted.

It turned out that he wanted Granny to bring a supply of tissues to next weeks exam for his students !!!!!!!!

Apparently, if anyone so much as sniffs in the exam then they are out on their ear (or should it be nose)?

Blondie made a startling confession today.

He fessed up to actually busking the Intermediate classes. Never - surely he is too much of a professional to do that - snigger snigger.

This declaration clarifies everything that Granny already knew. (He's a ******). Blondie admitted that he did not have to prepare for our classes as he could busk his way through them. Now we know why so many of us are struggling. I rest my case M'Lud!

Blondie went on to admit that the next years course "Technician" he can't busk - so that's alright then!

It doesn't seem to bother the old git that its costing students nearly a thousand squid to get through this term. As long as he is being paid a salary, then that's all that matters!

Granny was left speechless for once. There is no hope then, is there?

Granny and "Team" chilled out at Zen. Kinks wasn't at the class today as he had a prior engagement so met us later. The little chick was all loved up bless him.

Back again for the evening session, which Granny must admit went straight over her head, every grey hair of it. The old bird just does not have a clue whats going on.

The hosepipe and car are looming closer than Granny cares to wish for!

Repreive

Its been a grand day today.

The sun was out, the sky was blue, and its raining, raining in my heart.

Aye - another college day has loomed before Granny's tired old eyes. It was a beautiful day though and the old bird felt that spring was just round the corner, it put a fair skip into Granny's step, well, perhaps a hobble if Granny was to be truthful.

The old bat trundled into college with her bag duly following behind. Granny has invested in a little trolley to put all her books in and other treasured possessions. It takes the strain off the old gals bones.

Now Granny doesn't like change, but when she managed to get up to the third floor, there was no-one in sight and it put the old biddy right off kilter. Normally the place is heaving with folk but the corridors were empty.

Granny thought she would just poke her nose through the classroom door to see if she could see any bags that belonged to her fellow inmates. Bugger - the classroom was already opened and folk were milling about. This was very unusual, it wasn't like "B" to let anyone stay in while he wasn't present.

Miss B-C was already in situ as was Motor Mouth and crew. Tables were askew and poor Mr Angry's seat had been taken by someone else.

The place had gone to pot and it took Granny and Mr A to put it back in order. Even Kinky and Blondie's Bitch were taken aback when they entered the classroom. You turn you back for 5 minutes and the place is a shambles.

Although it was lovely outside, there was a distinct chill in the air in the classroom. The peasants were revolting (not that type of revolting - well maybe) Granny could sense that there was going to be a Mutiny on the Bounty. Note to self - stop watching so many old films.

There was a definite unrest amongst the throng. This unrest was aimed at the imminent arrival of the exam next week. Many of the class, like Granny, feel that we are not ready to take the exam.

From what Granny can ascertain, there has been rumblings that people were going to pull out of the exam and re-sit at a later time, which is a damn shame after all the hard work people have put in. Granny admits, she too felt like the rest and was undecided whether to carry on or not.

This uncertainty was passed through the jungle drums to our other tutor and Granny thinks words have been said, although no-one will admit to this.

Granny saw something today (other than the dodgy stain on "B" trousers) that she thought she would never see. "B" did a U-Turn. I think he realised that more than half the class who are not his star pupils were at the point of rebellion and would not be sitting the exam next week which would severely cause egg on his face!

It has been decided by the powers that be, the exam now will be delayed by a week and will now commence on the 25th March instead of the 18th.

Yippee - at least another week to get the old gals head together and try and make sense of everything. Granny's nerves are shot and is having to self medicate big time!

It really is a stressful time and Granny is finding it very difficult, but the old gal has a contingency plan in place.

She has had a long and serious think about the situation and should she fail the big exam in June ,then she has to re-think her strategies.

Granny is investigating an alternate college that doesn't have Blondie look-alikes and hopefully have better teaching methods. Its a big gamble, but surely it can't be any worse than the way things are at the moment. Its a risk worth taking me thinks.

Granny feels that if she is giving up three years of her life (years she can well ill-afford) then she deserves the best teaching methods possible!

Cafe Zen was calling big time tonight and was a most welcome retreat. Prince Charming was flitting around and making the old bird go weak at the knees. If only he was a few years older - wonder if he has an older brother?

One of our "team" was missing tonight - she was on holiday in Prague and she was sorely missed.

The latter session was hard going again and Granny and BB struggled as is the norm.

In our defence though, we were mislead on one of the tasks we were doing and it totally confused both of us.

Poor old BB was taking it all to heart - bless her. Tensions are running high and time is running out.

Granny was glad when the evening came to a close. She had the pleasure of escorting two boys home in her car!

She had to drop one of her boys off outside the local Fire Station. The old bird had a quick gander to see if she could see any hunky Fire Men, but they must have been tucked up for the night. Think Kinky S had a quick gander too, so we were both disappointed.

Kinky S is a great mate and Granny would be proud to have him as her adopted son anytime.

When Granny gets home she will be sharing her evening with a little Australian red number.

Cheers!

Mr Negative!

What an absolute crap day today has been.

Granny knew it was going to be a rough ride when the bloody council conned her out of eight squid to park the car for a days visit at the college. The thieving bastards!

After shelling out the said dosh, it cost the old bag a further £1.05 for a bottle of diet coke from the college shop. They should advertise that it is rob a Granny week!

The old gal made her way to the lift and met Blondie's Bitch and Miss B C 2009 queueing up for the lift that takes you on a mystery trip, but the old bugger wasn't working so we had to catch the one further up the corridor.

Granny is always on tenter-hooks wondering if the lift will get her to her destination.

Granny and "B"s Bitch settled down for a bit of a conflab before the classroom was opened. Normally we have a fair bit of time to ourselves, but today was going to be an exception.

God almighty, Motor Mouth was the first on the scene, her great big gob flapping like a tent flap in the wind. Granny half expected the Elf and Safety Brigade to appear to measure the noise levels. They were certainly not at a safe capacity! No wonder old Granny is Mutton Jeff!

Binty was the next to arrive, she has had her bunions done so she was hobbling a bit, but she seemed to be getting around okay.

In a blink of an eye the corridor was full of AAT Students. Why were they so early? Why was there so many? Why were they so noisy? So many whys, Granny demands answers. Answers on a post card please - care of Blondie's Bolt Hole, Woodville.

We all settled ourselves down in the class room. Blondie was full of his usual innuendos and crap that he always is.

Normally he has some dodgy looking stain on his trousers, but this time it was further up. His waistcoat had a big white stain just above the top button. What the hell has he been doing.?

Granny asked him if he had spilt his dinner up the front, but his hearing was selective and he didn't answer.

Before we got down to today's schedule (don't make Granny laugh, B never has a schedule, he plays it by ear) Blondie had a special announcement to make.

Apparently, we have been put on a list of those who are going to pass, and those who are going to fail.

The old git was so full of negativity, that's just what we wanted to hear before the onset of our next exam in a couple of weeks. It really spurred us on - not!

The bastard really knows how to go for the jugular (I bet he only has a little winkie and is trying to make up for it in other ways - the tart).

It put a right damper on things for the whole day. If any of us fail, its not because we haven't tried but because of the lack of his teaching methods - they are none existent.

He is always banging on about his brightest students and how they will walk the exam. He never acknowledges or gives the respect or time to those that really have to work twice as hard to keep up with the impossible pace that he works too.

Granny has never met anyone that is so lacking in people skills and who is so uncaring.

The old gal has a problem with her hearing and has been very reluctant to let many people know of this situation as it is embarrassing. The old biddy mentioned this to "B" at the start of the term and he "allowed" (how kind) Granny to sit near the front of the classroom so she could hear what was going on.

Granny struggles to hear when there are lots of people talking at once and tends to lip read quite a lot.

Today there was a situation that arose and Granny had to remind Blondie that she was partially deaf - his response was PARDON! He thought it was very amusing. Granny didn't!

Granny is going to have him big time when all of this is over!

Our little group have a new sanctuary (Zen Cafe) and it was such a welcoming place after today's onslaught.

The proprietor is such a lovely man. If he was just a few years older Granny would have him! (If Kinky doesn't get him first). He is Mr Charming and makes you feel very welcome.

We have music to boogie in our seats too and they do the most fantastic coffee!

The atmosphere is brill and you really feel chilled and the coffee is great too. The food is plentiful and really cheap and the coffee is out of this world

Have I mentioned what fantastic coffee they do - no - well they do a lovely latte, you should try it.

The evening session was a bit hard going, but Granny has made plenty of notes and guess what the old bird will be doing this weekend?

At the moment Granny is feeling very overwhelmed by it all and is really fretting over the exam which is looming.

Granny would gladly sit on the casting couch if it ensured that she got a pass!