Granny's first day at college

What have I done.

Today should have been a normal Monday doing normal Monday things. But like the fool that I am, decided (or was decided for me by my boss) that I should enrol at the local college for an AAT Foundation Course. Great I said, cant be all that bad lead me to it.

OMG was I in for a shock.

I got up early this morning to get ready, and was actually feeling quite nervous, the feeling was just like my first day at senior school. My son made me feel better because he said that he thought that I had lost weight, (I think he just felt sorry for me really) that made me feel a bit more confident and raring to go.

I arrived at the college in good time and made my way to the reception area. I duly asked which room the course would be taking place in. I was told the 3rd floor room 304. Oh I said, do you have a lift as I cant manage the stairs (on crutches due to knee op). I was pointed in the direction of the lift and made my way there.

After what seemed miles (actually only a few hundred yards) I pressed the call button for the lift and waited and waited and waited and waited. The lift wasn't working. I hobbled my way back to reception and was told that there is another lift but that would only take you to floor 2, from there you will have to take the stairs. Another oh sounded from me but before I could say anything else, the receptionist said that there was another lift quite some distance away and that would take me to the 3rd floor. Off I toddled.

It was a nice lift as lifts go, I did have to share it with two chaps, one pushing a trolley full of IT equipment, but we all managed to fit in - crutches and all.

I made my way along the corridor to room 304 but when I got there, there was a sign on the door saying language course and the room was full of students. Someone had made a boo-boo. I ambled my way back to the lift that was so charming and headed for reception.

The receptionist looked at me if I was a bit doolally when I told her that room 304 couldn't possibly be the right room as students were already having lessons in there. Well she said, I will have to phone round and find out which room it is. Its room 205 she chirped. Well at least there was some consolation - I could take the lift that only went up two floors!

I got to room 205 and waited outside until the tutor arrived. In the meantime the corridor was filling up with students - all looked if they had just come out of nappies. I said a quick prayer - please god don't let them be in my class. Suddenly as if by magic, they dispersed into the opposite classroom - thank you thank you I whispered under my breath.

It was short lived.

Room 205, once opened by the tutor, filled up with babies, the tutor was slightly more mature and possibly gave me a feeling of comfort. The course was underway no turning back now.

Right said the tutor, we are going to make our way to the IT Suite and you are all going to take a literacy and numeracy skills assessment. #### said I.

The literacy test was okay I was comfortable with that. The numeracy test I wasn't so sure, after all I had left school in 1975 and things had moved on since then. The numeracy test commenced. First question - simple addition - great I can handle that. Second question - simple subtraction - okay. I was being lulled into a false sense of security here. Third and subsequent questions - WALLOP right between the eyes.

When I left school everything was in old money, now I was being asked questions in centimetres, millimetres, metres and litres. Ask me anything in feet and inches, pints, quarts etc and I'm your man! I was drowning at a rapid speed.

Assessment over we all trudged back to the classroom and sat through a presentation on why AAT is good for us and what benefits achieving this qualification would do for us all. By this time I had lost the will to live.

After the assessment I thought it was time that I powdered my nose, I made my way to the ladies and awaited my turn. After completing my ablutions, I opened the door only to be confronted by a Goth in full gear. Black from head to toe, studs in her eyebrows and studs in her lips. Hiyah I said as I made my way out. OMG what the hell am I doing here - I just do not belong!!

Recess - 2 hour wait until the next session commenced.

I wandered round the town centre on my little crutches trying to pass the time away until our next session. I WAS DEPRESSED.

Just outside the college is a memorial ground with lots of benches around the cenotaph. I made my way to a bench, sat down and fished my mobile phone out of my bag. There were quite a number of people around - all in couples or friends - I felt so alone and out of my depth. I rang my daughter. Hi mum said she. Lips quivering and voice shaking I managed to say oh Gem I'm not cut out for this, I think I'm going to cry.

There I was in the middle of the town tears rolling down my cheeks and my daughter trying to placate me by telling me that this was just my first day and things will get better.

2nd Session

This session was not quite so bad as the first as there were quite a number of new faces that had turned up, there was someone who was probably my age, this made me feel a bit better.

This particular person sat in front of me and he had a lovely bald head. I had this great urge to draw a face on the back of his head with my pen. I really had to control myself not instigate this feeling.

I felt more in control of this session and really thought that I was going to survive. But no - fate had other ideas.

The person sitting next to me was one of those whizz kid types. We were all given test papers to see if we had understood what we had just been taught. She whizzed through those papers just like Billy Whiz. I tell you what - I shall make sure I am not sitting next to her next week. Don't you just feel so inadequate.

The evening drew to a close, I packed my little rucksack and headed home feeling lonely, depressed, thick and totally TRAUMATISED by the whole event.

Can't wait for next week!