Biker Granny

Look what Santa brought Granny!

Hop Skip and Jump

Today Granny has accomplished three things.

1. She's had her first bath since July (dirty bitch I hear you say). Those that have read my blog previously will understand why.

2. She's got rid of that blasted stick! That's a picture of me doing my daily exercise routine. Just look at them stockings what killers!


3. She's completed her exam - Hip Hip Hooray.

Poor old granny can now relax and look forward to the festive season where she can hang up her old wrinkly stockings for Santa.

The first round of exams are now well and truly over and there is no going back. The results will not be known until 7th January 2008.

I am now going to sit back and try to enjoy the festive season and not worry too much what the outcome will be.

Recipe for Christmas All Year Long

Take a heap of child-like wonder that opens up our eyes

To the unexpected gifts in life — Each day a sweet surprise.

Mix in fond appreciation for the people whom we know;

Like festive Christmas candles, each one has a special glow.

Add some giggles and some laughter, A dash of Christmas food,

(Amazing how a piece of pie improves our attitude!)

Stir it all with human kindness; Wrap it up in love and peace,

Decorate with optimism, and our joy will never cease.

If we use this healthy recipe, we know we will remember

to be in the Christmas spirit, even when it's not December.

Merry Christmas.

It's Here!

Well the dreaded day has finally arrived. Exam time.

I have not been looking forward to this at all. My fingers are bitten down to the bone and I can see the beginning of bags under my eyes (discounting the ones I had already).

My head has been mush this last week worrying over whats going to happen. I have had this vision that I am going to be the only one in the class that doesn't get through. It's been giving me nightmares.

On the work front it has been manic, but still there in the dark recess of my brain, this nagging worry has been lurking.

I went to college this afternoon as per usual but didn't intend staying for very long as the tutor had booked the IT Suite. Past experience has taught me to avoid this at all cost. I didn't fancy spending the afternoon with "Cool" "Random" and "Innit". Come to think of it I haven't seen "Innit" for some time.

I made my excuses and was home for around 14:00 hours. This extra time enabled me to do some cramming before tonight.

Arriving at the college in good time this evening, I decided a visit to the vending machine would be in order. I needed a little something to get me through the evening. Normally this would consist of a bottle of red or two, but I don't think this would have gone down well with the tutor.

The next best thing - CHOCOLATE! I thought this would give me some comfort should I start to lose the will to live at some point during the evening. I then bought a bag of sweets containing loads of E numbers, these might give me an adrenalin rush or make me hyper.

My thought process here was two fold. Being hyped up to the eyeballs might give me an edge and make me sail through the exam without a care in the world. Or, on the other hand, I could just say bollocks to it all and p*** off home. (I think the E numbers are kicking in now as I type this blog as my language is deteriorating rapidly).

Its hard to say how the exam went. We still have the 2nd part to complete next week. There were a couple of purple patches where my mind went totally blank and I managed to get my debits and credits in the wrong order. But my trusty choccy bar came to the rescue and put me back on track.

I can't believe I have another week to get through before we finish the final part. Its just not good for someone my age!

Is it really worth it I ask myself?

I don't like Mondays!

Before I get down to the nitty gritty, I must apologise for not keeping up with my blog last week. I had nothing to write about as I didn't attend college. No, I wasn't being naughty (which I do like being at times).

I had to attend a conference at the Prison Service College based in Rugby and didn't know until the last minute. This caused me quite a headache as I was supposed to be completing a mock exam paper in readiness for the real thing 10/17 December.

It was really important that I attended the said conference as the subject matter will have an impact on my future career in the Service. It was a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea. I think I would have rather been at Burton College than listen solidly for someone lecturing for 6 hours.

I managed to arrange with the tutor to send me the paper so that I could complete this at home. Which she most kindly did.

Today was one filled with trepidation. I have been quite stressed this last week knowing that the paper has to be marked and I must admit my heads been mashed.

The afternoons session was fairly low key as always. It wasn't too bad, quite a lot of the class was missing so there wasn't so many interruptions. We actually finished at 14:45 and I was home for 15:00 hours.

I was quite glad really that I could come home because I needed to chill a little before tonight. I decided to "have a blow". Its nothing kinky, but what is termed in brass band speak, as playing your instrument. I think I have mentioned previously that I play in a brass band.

I do find that "having a blow" is quite therapeutic and relaxing. I have not been able to practice as much as I would have liked because I have neighbours who live either side. I have just had a lovely conservatory built and its like having my own music room. I can now play until my hearts content.

Feeling quite chilled I made my way back to college and once the session started, I submitted my work to the tutor for marking.

I told her that I had struggled and towards the end of the paper I had lost the will to live. I felt really chuffed when she said well done and that most of it was correct. This has given me the boost that I needed ready for the real thing next week.

The tutor has given us a couple more mock papers to have a go at before next week (with answers supplied) this will help highlight problem areas.

I am feeling quite positive tonight and as I am writing my blog I am sampling a bottle of the good old red stuff.

Cheers!

A Quiet Day

I wasn't quite feeling up to scratch today so I gave this afternoons session a miss.

The unit we are working on is one that I have already done some years ago, when I completed my NVQ Level 3 in Business Administration. I still have all my completed assignments and I am able to put them to good use in my AAT studies. The tutor is quite happy for me to do this.

It looks as though I have missed one of the best afternoons since the course started. Apparently the tutor had livened up things a little. Teams were formed and the tutor got everyone making buildings out of newspaper and they had to be sturdy enough to balance a text book on top. Damn, I have always wanted to do that!

As I was at home for most of the day I put the time to good use and sorted out my portfolio. I also did some revision as we have an exam coming up shortly. I had quite a productive afternoon - and no I wasn't skiving this time.

Tonight's session went quite well. We tidied up a few loose ends in preparation for the exam in December.

Tonight we worked on the following :-

Completion of the Petty Cash Book
Completion of Postings from the Petty Cash Book
Contract Law

Sorry that my blog isn't very inspiring tonight but I am feeling a bit under the weather and I am going to have an early night.

See you next week.

Brass Monkey Weather

I didn't want to get up this morning as I was nice and snug in my bed, especially now as I have my central heating sorted.

This time last week I was without heating after recently having a new boiler fitted. The heating went kaput and all because I had a "kinky pipe"!

Anyway back to today. I have come to the conclusion that college is not for me. I think I am too old for all this learning malarkey. I am too set in my ways now and everyone and everything seem to irritate me.

Getting into college is such a hassle. Parking places are in short supply and its on a first come first served basis. This can cost me from £3.20 to £4.50 per day depending which car park I manage to get into. I usually leave around 11:30 hours to ensure that I get a parking spot. Then I have to wait until 13:30 before the lesson starts.

The afternoon sessions are not getting any better. In fact I think they are deteriorating rapidly. A good 90% of the class are teenagers, and they haven't got the slightest intention of sitting in a classroom and being expected to work for 3 hours.

I can't believe that the tutor still hasn't learnt yet after all these weeks, that if you send the class out for a break, half of the students will not return (and he doesn't seem to notice).

I am still trying to fathom out what today's lesson was all about and what connection it has to do with accountancy - maybe I am missing something here. I will let you decide for yourselves.

Here goes - We had a group exercise where we were all dealt 2 cards each. Each card had something written on it. We were not allowed to show anyone our cards but we were allowed to say what was written on them !!! Hmm!

Next we had to take it in turns to read our cards out (remember we are not allowed to show what is written on them) and a volunteer had to write what we had said on the white-board. Are you still with me?

Now - you might think at this stage it may have something to do with figures or something connected to accountancy, but in actual fact you would be wrong.

The cards portrayed some story or other about a poor chap called Jamil who had broken into a flat, got shot in the leg and stabbed in the back. His body was then dragged into the park and left there for someone to find. He had been murdered.

It turned out it was a bit of a murder mystery - but I am still struggling to make the connection - IS IT ME!

After all the excitement of this afternoon I couldn't bare the thought of staying in the town so I went home to chill.

Evening Session

After getting over this afternoons murder, I was ready to tax the brain a little. You can always guarantee that you are going to work hard in this lesson. The tutor has just been awarded employee of the year at the college and she truly deserves it. Her teaching methods are second to none and I think most people would feel that they have achieved something from her class.

Tonight we worked on the following:
Revision of cheques/credit cards. Revision of cash receipts book. Questions.

We are now preparing for our exam which will take place on December 10th and 17th.

Remember Remember the 5th of November

I shall remember the 5th of November as it has been a really good day for me on the college front.

The assignment I handed in last week has been signed off as complete which is really good news. It needs to be completed by June, but by finishing it early it will give me more time to concentrate on the double entry book-keeping side of things.

The afternoon class wasn't too bad today. We had a one to one with the tutor and because all my work was complete, he let me leave at 1500 hours. I felt quite privileged to be leaving early. I decided to give my visit to Marks and Sparks a miss and headed off home. I didn't fancy hanging around until 1730 hours in the town.

On my way home I nearly squashed a lollipop lady. Why is it that they think they are immune to traffic. She was almost level with my car when she decided to jump out and wave her stick under my nose.

I have nothing against lollipop people because my mother was one way back in the 1960's. She wouldn't have dreamt of jumping out at the last minute. She valued her life far more than today's breed. They tend to be of more senior years now, so maybe its a form of euthanasia!

It was quite nice being able to be at home for a while before the evening session started. It was a bit of a nightmare though trying to get back into the middle of town during the tea-time rush hour, but worth it.

I managed to have a bit of a chat with Vic (the bald headed chap) he is a really nice bloke and didn't object to me asking him if he would mind moving his chair slightly so that I could see the blackboard. He is rather large and when he is directly in front of me I only get to see the back of his head.

The subject matter tonight was quite easy once I had got to grips with it (all I can say is it's a good job I work in pencil). I am still not very quick at carrying out the tasks but find it is better to take my time, even if those around me have finished some way ahead.

Tonight we worked on the following:- Cheques, Cash Book - 2 Column, Cash Book - 3 Column and Analysed Receipts Cash Book.

The girls done good!

Tired Granny

Knackerated that's me today!

Last week was my first full working week since the end of July. Over the last month I have been back on a phased return since having my knee operation at the beginning of August.

The weekend has been hectic as the band I play with http://www.newhallband.org.uk/ had a concert Saturday night, followed by rehearsals Sunday in readiness for Pontins contest next Saturday. What with the clocks going back too, I definitely felt my age today returning back to college after half-term.

Afternoon Session

Nothings changed much for this session, still just as boring and not very awe inspiring. We started on a new unit - Personal Effectiveness. This will captivate the audience just as much as the Health and Safety unit - not!!

Is it me - Has classroom etiquette (big word - not bad for a tired old bird) been re-written. In my day it was all about respect, following dress codes, having the right tools for the trade (i.e books, pencil case etc) and being punctual. The new updated rules are as follows:-

• Be as late as possible and never ever apologise.


• Books are not meant to be read, but are for shredding and flicking across the classroom.


• Pens are for cleaning out your ears or in some cases, for picking your nose.


• Dress code - Always be attached to your i-pod and listen to R&B throughout the lesson.
  

In my day the only form of portable music appliances were transistor radios and they were bloody massive things, could you imagine sitting with one of those on your desk!

Evening Session

As I have said before I quite like this session as you really have to think on your feet and we work solidly for the whole of the three hours. The tutor is great (bound to be because she's a woman) she really knows her stuff and knows how to keep a captive audience.

I must admit though I was feeling a little irritable tonight, the chap who's head I would like to doodle on was chewing gum and he has one of those goatee beards (a big bristly white one). All the time he was chewing it jumped out from side to side and it kept putting me off. All I could see was big white whiskers in my eye-line.

He's a nice bloke though and I think I am grumbly because I'm tired so I am going to finish here and go to bed.

Tonight we worked on the following:-

Bad debts - Journal entries - Aged analysis of debtors - Cash receipts - Security Paying in.

Night Night

Granny's a Skiver

Yes that's me today - skiving. Not done that for years. The last time I skived was at my senior school. It was a PE lesson which I hated, so I hid in the toilets and was caught by the Deputy Headmistress.

She was a real dragon in her long black cloak and pointy stilettos. I can still hear her click click clacking of her heels on the main hall floor. No-one disrespected her, I suppose you could say she was an icon of her era.

I didn't know it at the time but the lady in question was to be my late son-in-laws auntie, he hadn't even been born then. My daughter married her nephew a couple of years ago and they had two beautiful twin daughters just before he passed away. I can't believe this scary woman is knitting lovely little cardies for my grandbabies.

Anyway to get back to my skiving. I'm not really skiving as such. Today should have been a workshop day very similar to last weeks. If you have read my previous blog you will see that it entailed spending sometime in the IT suite typing up our assignments.

To me it just seemed a waste of good time sitting amongst unruly folk and not getting a lot done. I felt I would achieve much more working from home as most of the information I need is on my PC.

Evening Session

It's much easier to park at night than in the daytime and I managed to find a parking spot straight away.

I made my way to the classroom and met up with my fellow classmates. I asked how they had got on whilst I was skiving.

Apparently they never made it to the IT Suite as the tutor had forgotten to book it, so out came those dreaded laptops, the ones that didn't work first time round and still didn't work. All in all from what I can gather, most of the class disappeared one by one.

We got settled into our classroom and waited for the lesson to commence. Flippin nora who should join our class but flamin "Innit". He's not normally in our class at night, it's only for us adults.

He wore a black hoodie and kept the hood up all evening (probably to disguise his headset which is always attached to his mobile).

It was quite fun tonight which is unusual because you are not supposed to be enjoying yourself. We had a little quiz and we were divided into two teams. We all had to take it in turn to pull a question out of a bag and answer it.

My question was "Which of the day book totals includes Vat"? The Gross total of course!

Our new books have arrived and they weighed a tonne (whats that in metric)? I shall need a trolley to pull them around in as I am still hobbling with a crutch tucked under my right arm. Carrying the books in my left nearly topple me over as they are so heavy.

I got on quite well this evening and managed to finish some of my work well before any of the others and it was right for a change. It's a great feeling but it won't last.

This evening we worked on the following:-

Complete Sales Ledger Accounts

List Methods of Communication with Debtors

Complete a Business Letter

Complete a Statement of Account

Yippeeeee its half term next week.

Tattie bye for now.

Autumn has arrived.

The weather today has been absolutely beautiful, far too nice to be sitting in a classroom.

The trees around the college are beginning to shed their leaves and the complex is framed by lots of lovely different colours as the leaves turn and then fall.

This is my fourth week now and I suppose you could say that I am starting to settle in.

Before my lessons commenced I did a little shopping in the town. I bought some lovely little buttons for a cardigan that I am making for one of my granddaughters.

I decided to have my boots re-heeled and soled while I had got the opportunity, as yesterday I found out that they were leaky whilst scrabbling about in a grave-yard looking for a family grave which I had not visited for some time due to moving away from the area 42 years ago.

Back to college and the lesson commenced at 1330 hours. Us older ones tend to arrive early. I suppose its been instilled into us over the years that it is not polite to arrive late.

Today I became aware of a very strange lad in our class. He arrived at 1400 hours, just walked in with no apology. He found a seat after a lot of shuffling around. He then proceeded to pull his headphones out of his pocket, shoved them in his ears and started listening to his i-pod. Whats so strange about that you might ask. Well not a lot really in this day and age.

The strangeness comes from the fixated stare that he gives you. He just focuses on you for the whole of the time that he is in class. He has no expression - no nothing. His eyes peer right through you and its quite spooky. I can just imagine him going berserk at some point and murdering us all. Note to self - Don't watch so much rubbish on the telly. Another note to self - Be nice to him and he might spare you when he goes mad!

The afternoon session was to end with a workshop. This really meant that it was just some time allocated for students to make a start on their assignments and would mean a trip to the IT Suite.

For some reason I was feeling quite rebellious (not bad for a 49 year old). I wasn't really happy about spending time in the IT Suite with all these kids. They can't behave in the classroom, god knows what they would be like amongst all the computers.

I told the tutor that I wasn't going join him for his little field trip and would work on the assignment at home. The tutor never really said a lot. Probably because I'm older than him!

All the kids trotted off whilst the rebellious granny made a quick exit out of the college. I half expected to have my collar felt and be hauled back in again.

I quite like being a naughty girl at 49.

The "unexpected" early finish allowed me to wander around the town (again) and enabled me to purchase a birthday present for my son, who will be 18 on Thursday 11th October.

I made my usual trip to M&S for my cup of tea and scone and then made my way back to the car for a while. I sat watching a squirrel messing about with his nuts!

Tonight's lesson was again hard. I am finding it a struggle to keep up with everyone as they are so quick at completing the question papers. I like to take mine home and work on them at my own pace, which enables me to fathom out the answers and make them stick in my brain ready for when we take the exam in December.

This evening we worked on the following:-

Credit Notes
Division of the Ledger
Completion of Sales Day Book
Completion of Sales Return Book
Posting from Day Books.

Hurray its going to be half term soon.

Fun At The Fair (or not)

Once a year the Statutes Fair comes to Burton on Trent and the town is cordoned off. Because of this, my daughter, (the one who I cried down the phone to on my first day) offered to take me to college and to pick me up later.

My gorgeous little granddaughters waved goodbye to Granny at the college gates (well only one did as the other was fast asleep in her baby seat, bless her little cotton socks).

The class started to fill up with the usual kiddies. The three witches flew in on their broomsticks, you could hear them cackling before they even arrived in the classroom.

Before the lesson started, our tutor said he had something to tell us. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, another of our colleagues had died during the week from an epileptic fit. The week before a chap had died from a heart attack. It sent shivers up my spine and I felt really sad and again as last week, it made me realise how life can be so precious and fragile.

The afternoon session commenced. The tutor and several students disappeared only to re-appear sometime later with their arms full of lap tops. Around twelve in all. A bit of "hands on work" ahead.

Don't be daft - only three of the lap tops worked and by the time we had managed to fire these up, half the class had disappeared.

The 3 witches were the first to arrive back, each armed with a bag of salt and vinegar crisps and a bag of skittles. They proceeded to chomp their way through the rest of the lesson.

"Cool" turned up with a bag of candy floss and passed it to "Solid" and friends under the table. "Innit" had a head-set on for his mobile and chatted away to his mate.

Not a great deal of work was done during this session.

I have got myself into a little routine now whilst I am waiting for the evening session to start. I usually head for Marks and Sparks and sit in the coffee shop and have a cup of tea and a scone.

Today was no different, accept I had to weave my way in and out of the fairground rides and dodge the bags and buckets of candy floss hanging from the stalls.

I was sitting at the table in the coffee shop enjoying a cup of tea, when a lady came past balancing a teapot, cup and saucer and a jug of milk all in one hand. She bumped into a chair and the milk spilt from the jug into my open rucksack. She looked horrified and couldn't apologise enough and I thought she was going to cry. I really felt sorry for her.

Tonight's session was particular hard for me. It involved lots of things to do with VAT. We had two papers to complete, but I am afraid I could only manage two questions on the first paper, and I got both of those wrong!

I have managed to suss out where I was going wrong, and so now have plenty of homework this week to keep me busy.

LIFE

Life is but a stopping place

A pause in what’s to be

A resting place along the road

To sweet eternity.

We all have different journeys,

Different paths along the way,

We all were meant

to learn some things,

But never meant to stay...

Our destination is a place

Far greater than we know.

For some, the journey’s quicker,

For some the journey’s slow.

And when the journey finally ends,

We’ll claim a great reward

And find an everlasting peace,

Together with the lord.

Author Unknown

For Liam and Carl

Bluetongue and Tornado's

That's the news I woke up to this morning.

Stuck my tongue out and looked in the mirror, a little red maybe, but definitely not blue. Looked out the window - no tornado's damn it, college awaits

Trying to park is a nightmare as all the young students have cars these days. This makes it really difficult for us old bods, as we have to set off early just to bag a parking space.

The afternoon session started off with some really sad news. One of our colleagues had passed away over the weekend. This chap had given up work to concentrate on becoming an accountant. It makes you realise just how fragile life can be. I found it very difficult to concentrate for a while.

The tutor had not got off to a good start today. Someone had run into the side of his car so he was not in the right frame of mind to take a class.

The class is mainly made up of students who have just left school. The way they behave you would think that they are still at school. The tutor has no control over them and they do just whatever they please. It is really difficult to concentrate, after all, the last time that I was in a class room was in the 70's.

There are three girls in the class all with the same christian name. They do nothing but chat amongst themselves and cackle all afternoon long. The Three Witches of Eastwick springs to mind!

The whole lesson this afternoon seemed to drift a little and I found it quite boring. I was quite pleased when the tutor called it a day at 1530 as he was "in shock" from his accident.

I had 2 1/2 hours to kill before the evening session started. I thought a little retail therapy might do me some good. After all, I was still recovering from my knee op.

I bumped into someone who I had not seen since around 1973. The lady in question was the mother of one of my friends from when I lived in Yoxall. This lady had a really lovely house and there was one particular item that I had a fascination for.

A wall mounted can-opener!

They were very rare in those days and I always hankered after a go on it, but this never materialised. At home we only had the hand held type and I really felt deprived. We talked about this today and had a really good laugh about it. There is nothing like nostalgia to make you feel better.

I was now raring to go and ready to get stuck in into the evening session. This particular gathering is one of hard work. We work solidly from 1800 to 2100 and it requires a great deal of concentration.

We worked on Trial Balances, Profit and Loss, T Accounts and have plenty of homework to show for this.

I feel as though I have achieved quite a lot from the evening sessions and feel stretched (which is not a bad thing when you are old, it keeps the brain cells active) and I quite enjoy the challenge.

Talking of achievements, I have learnt three new words of which I have yet to put into practice.

Cool! Solid! Innit!

Enrolment Day

Didn't have time to enrol last week what with all the goings on so it was left up to me to do it today.

I got up extra early so that I could leave in good time and join the queues waiting to join up!

I stepped or rather hobbled into the shower. This is quite a spectacular manoeuvre as I can't bend my left knee due to surgery. I have to get in with my right leg then swing my left leg backwards up and over the bath holding onto anything that doesn't move.

Once I was in, I switched on the shower and proceeded with my daily ablutions. Next thing I know the shower head and cable break free from the wall and start to thrash about like a wild anaconda. This took me by surprise as I was shampooing my hair at the time. Soap in my eyes I wrestled this wild specimen while at the same time trying to keep my balance. Not a pretty sight I can tell you!

I made my way to the college, which I must say in all fairness is rather an impressive place, especially the new university which is being built alongside the main campus. I headed for reception, and you've guessed it, same woman as last week, couldn't organise a you know what in a brewery.

She directed me to the enrolment suite, but I didn't really trust her from my experience last week, so I paraphrased everything she had told me, just to make sure she understood exactly where I wanted to head for. Sorted!

Got there in one - fantastic - directions spot on bless her.

Enrolment was taking place in the new university building which is in-part ,still under construction. I headed for the lift dodging construction workers and the like with my little crutch tucked under my arm.

The lift (I'm quite partial to lifts) was located in an area where the building work wasn't finished. Barriers were placed around the doors so that you could enter and exit safely while the work commenced. The whole of the lift was encased in a plastic bag type covering. I was absolutely amazed the flippin thing worked and just prayed that I got to the 2nd floor safely.

Eeh enrolment was so painless, I wish I had done it sooner. A really nice lad took my enrolment form, processed it, then asked me to smile into his web cam (I was putty in his hands)

Its official - I am now a bona fide student. Got the card to prove it

Granny's first day at college

What have I done.

Today should have been a normal Monday doing normal Monday things. But like the fool that I am, decided (or was decided for me by my boss) that I should enrol at the local college for an AAT Foundation Course. Great I said, cant be all that bad lead me to it.

OMG was I in for a shock.

I got up early this morning to get ready, and was actually feeling quite nervous, the feeling was just like my first day at senior school. My son made me feel better because he said that he thought that I had lost weight, (I think he just felt sorry for me really) that made me feel a bit more confident and raring to go.

I arrived at the college in good time and made my way to the reception area. I duly asked which room the course would be taking place in. I was told the 3rd floor room 304. Oh I said, do you have a lift as I cant manage the stairs (on crutches due to knee op). I was pointed in the direction of the lift and made my way there.

After what seemed miles (actually only a few hundred yards) I pressed the call button for the lift and waited and waited and waited and waited. The lift wasn't working. I hobbled my way back to reception and was told that there is another lift but that would only take you to floor 2, from there you will have to take the stairs. Another oh sounded from me but before I could say anything else, the receptionist said that there was another lift quite some distance away and that would take me to the 3rd floor. Off I toddled.

It was a nice lift as lifts go, I did have to share it with two chaps, one pushing a trolley full of IT equipment, but we all managed to fit in - crutches and all.

I made my way along the corridor to room 304 but when I got there, there was a sign on the door saying language course and the room was full of students. Someone had made a boo-boo. I ambled my way back to the lift that was so charming and headed for reception.

The receptionist looked at me if I was a bit doolally when I told her that room 304 couldn't possibly be the right room as students were already having lessons in there. Well she said, I will have to phone round and find out which room it is. Its room 205 she chirped. Well at least there was some consolation - I could take the lift that only went up two floors!

I got to room 205 and waited outside until the tutor arrived. In the meantime the corridor was filling up with students - all looked if they had just come out of nappies. I said a quick prayer - please god don't let them be in my class. Suddenly as if by magic, they dispersed into the opposite classroom - thank you thank you I whispered under my breath.

It was short lived.

Room 205, once opened by the tutor, filled up with babies, the tutor was slightly more mature and possibly gave me a feeling of comfort. The course was underway no turning back now.

Right said the tutor, we are going to make our way to the IT Suite and you are all going to take a literacy and numeracy skills assessment. #### said I.

The literacy test was okay I was comfortable with that. The numeracy test I wasn't so sure, after all I had left school in 1975 and things had moved on since then. The numeracy test commenced. First question - simple addition - great I can handle that. Second question - simple subtraction - okay. I was being lulled into a false sense of security here. Third and subsequent questions - WALLOP right between the eyes.

When I left school everything was in old money, now I was being asked questions in centimetres, millimetres, metres and litres. Ask me anything in feet and inches, pints, quarts etc and I'm your man! I was drowning at a rapid speed.

Assessment over we all trudged back to the classroom and sat through a presentation on why AAT is good for us and what benefits achieving this qualification would do for us all. By this time I had lost the will to live.

After the assessment I thought it was time that I powdered my nose, I made my way to the ladies and awaited my turn. After completing my ablutions, I opened the door only to be confronted by a Goth in full gear. Black from head to toe, studs in her eyebrows and studs in her lips. Hiyah I said as I made my way out. OMG what the hell am I doing here - I just do not belong!!

Recess - 2 hour wait until the next session commenced.

I wandered round the town centre on my little crutches trying to pass the time away until our next session. I WAS DEPRESSED.

Just outside the college is a memorial ground with lots of benches around the cenotaph. I made my way to a bench, sat down and fished my mobile phone out of my bag. There were quite a number of people around - all in couples or friends - I felt so alone and out of my depth. I rang my daughter. Hi mum said she. Lips quivering and voice shaking I managed to say oh Gem I'm not cut out for this, I think I'm going to cry.

There I was in the middle of the town tears rolling down my cheeks and my daughter trying to placate me by telling me that this was just my first day and things will get better.

2nd Session

This session was not quite so bad as the first as there were quite a number of new faces that had turned up, there was someone who was probably my age, this made me feel a bit better.

This particular person sat in front of me and he had a lovely bald head. I had this great urge to draw a face on the back of his head with my pen. I really had to control myself not instigate this feeling.

I felt more in control of this session and really thought that I was going to survive. But no - fate had other ideas.

The person sitting next to me was one of those whizz kid types. We were all given test papers to see if we had understood what we had just been taught. She whizzed through those papers just like Billy Whiz. I tell you what - I shall make sure I am not sitting next to her next week. Don't you just feel so inadequate.

The evening drew to a close, I packed my little rucksack and headed home feeling lonely, depressed, thick and totally TRAUMATISED by the whole event.

Can't wait for next week!