Repreive

Its been a grand day today.

The sun was out, the sky was blue, and its raining, raining in my heart.

Aye - another college day has loomed before Granny's tired old eyes. It was a beautiful day though and the old bird felt that spring was just round the corner, it put a fair skip into Granny's step, well, perhaps a hobble if Granny was to be truthful.

The old bat trundled into college with her bag duly following behind. Granny has invested in a little trolley to put all her books in and other treasured possessions. It takes the strain off the old gals bones.

Now Granny doesn't like change, but when she managed to get up to the third floor, there was no-one in sight and it put the old biddy right off kilter. Normally the place is heaving with folk but the corridors were empty.

Granny thought she would just poke her nose through the classroom door to see if she could see any bags that belonged to her fellow inmates. Bugger - the classroom was already opened and folk were milling about. This was very unusual, it wasn't like "B" to let anyone stay in while he wasn't present.

Miss B-C was already in situ as was Motor Mouth and crew. Tables were askew and poor Mr Angry's seat had been taken by someone else.

The place had gone to pot and it took Granny and Mr A to put it back in order. Even Kinky and Blondie's Bitch were taken aback when they entered the classroom. You turn you back for 5 minutes and the place is a shambles.

Although it was lovely outside, there was a distinct chill in the air in the classroom. The peasants were revolting (not that type of revolting - well maybe) Granny could sense that there was going to be a Mutiny on the Bounty. Note to self - stop watching so many old films.

There was a definite unrest amongst the throng. This unrest was aimed at the imminent arrival of the exam next week. Many of the class, like Granny, feel that we are not ready to take the exam.

From what Granny can ascertain, there has been rumblings that people were going to pull out of the exam and re-sit at a later time, which is a damn shame after all the hard work people have put in. Granny admits, she too felt like the rest and was undecided whether to carry on or not.

This uncertainty was passed through the jungle drums to our other tutor and Granny thinks words have been said, although no-one will admit to this.

Granny saw something today (other than the dodgy stain on "B" trousers) that she thought she would never see. "B" did a U-Turn. I think he realised that more than half the class who are not his star pupils were at the point of rebellion and would not be sitting the exam next week which would severely cause egg on his face!

It has been decided by the powers that be, the exam now will be delayed by a week and will now commence on the 25th March instead of the 18th.

Yippee - at least another week to get the old gals head together and try and make sense of everything. Granny's nerves are shot and is having to self medicate big time!

It really is a stressful time and Granny is finding it very difficult, but the old gal has a contingency plan in place.

She has had a long and serious think about the situation and should she fail the big exam in June ,then she has to re-think her strategies.

Granny is investigating an alternate college that doesn't have Blondie look-alikes and hopefully have better teaching methods. Its a big gamble, but surely it can't be any worse than the way things are at the moment. Its a risk worth taking me thinks.

Granny feels that if she is giving up three years of her life (years she can well ill-afford) then she deserves the best teaching methods possible!

Cafe Zen was calling big time tonight and was a most welcome retreat. Prince Charming was flitting around and making the old bird go weak at the knees. If only he was a few years older - wonder if he has an older brother?

One of our "team" was missing tonight - she was on holiday in Prague and she was sorely missed.

The latter session was hard going again and Granny and BB struggled as is the norm.

In our defence though, we were mislead on one of the tasks we were doing and it totally confused both of us.

Poor old BB was taking it all to heart - bless her. Tensions are running high and time is running out.

Granny was glad when the evening came to a close. She had the pleasure of escorting two boys home in her car!

She had to drop one of her boys off outside the local Fire Station. The old bird had a quick gander to see if she could see any hunky Fire Men, but they must have been tucked up for the night. Think Kinky S had a quick gander too, so we were both disappointed.

Kinky S is a great mate and Granny would be proud to have him as her adopted son anytime.

When Granny gets home she will be sharing her evening with a little Australian red number.

Cheers!

Mr Negative!

What an absolute crap day today has been.

Granny knew it was going to be a rough ride when the bloody council conned her out of eight squid to park the car for a days visit at the college. The thieving bastards!

After shelling out the said dosh, it cost the old bag a further £1.05 for a bottle of diet coke from the college shop. They should advertise that it is rob a Granny week!

The old gal made her way to the lift and met Blondie's Bitch and Miss B C 2009 queueing up for the lift that takes you on a mystery trip, but the old bugger wasn't working so we had to catch the one further up the corridor.

Granny is always on tenter-hooks wondering if the lift will get her to her destination.

Granny and "B"s Bitch settled down for a bit of a conflab before the classroom was opened. Normally we have a fair bit of time to ourselves, but today was going to be an exception.

God almighty, Motor Mouth was the first on the scene, her great big gob flapping like a tent flap in the wind. Granny half expected the Elf and Safety Brigade to appear to measure the noise levels. They were certainly not at a safe capacity! No wonder old Granny is Mutton Jeff!

Binty was the next to arrive, she has had her bunions done so she was hobbling a bit, but she seemed to be getting around okay.

In a blink of an eye the corridor was full of AAT Students. Why were they so early? Why was there so many? Why were they so noisy? So many whys, Granny demands answers. Answers on a post card please - care of Blondie's Bolt Hole, Woodville.

We all settled ourselves down in the class room. Blondie was full of his usual innuendos and crap that he always is.

Normally he has some dodgy looking stain on his trousers, but this time it was further up. His waistcoat had a big white stain just above the top button. What the hell has he been doing.?

Granny asked him if he had spilt his dinner up the front, but his hearing was selective and he didn't answer.

Before we got down to today's schedule (don't make Granny laugh, B never has a schedule, he plays it by ear) Blondie had a special announcement to make.

Apparently, we have been put on a list of those who are going to pass, and those who are going to fail.

The old git was so full of negativity, that's just what we wanted to hear before the onset of our next exam in a couple of weeks. It really spurred us on - not!

The bastard really knows how to go for the jugular (I bet he only has a little winkie and is trying to make up for it in other ways - the tart).

It put a right damper on things for the whole day. If any of us fail, its not because we haven't tried but because of the lack of his teaching methods - they are none existent.

He is always banging on about his brightest students and how they will walk the exam. He never acknowledges or gives the respect or time to those that really have to work twice as hard to keep up with the impossible pace that he works too.

Granny has never met anyone that is so lacking in people skills and who is so uncaring.

The old gal has a problem with her hearing and has been very reluctant to let many people know of this situation as it is embarrassing. The old biddy mentioned this to "B" at the start of the term and he "allowed" (how kind) Granny to sit near the front of the classroom so she could hear what was going on.

Granny struggles to hear when there are lots of people talking at once and tends to lip read quite a lot.

Today there was a situation that arose and Granny had to remind Blondie that she was partially deaf - his response was PARDON! He thought it was very amusing. Granny didn't!

Granny is going to have him big time when all of this is over!

Our little group have a new sanctuary (Zen Cafe) and it was such a welcoming place after today's onslaught.

The proprietor is such a lovely man. If he was just a few years older Granny would have him! (If Kinky doesn't get him first). He is Mr Charming and makes you feel very welcome.

We have music to boogie in our seats too and they do the most fantastic coffee!

The atmosphere is brill and you really feel chilled and the coffee is great too. The food is plentiful and really cheap and the coffee is out of this world

Have I mentioned what fantastic coffee they do - no - well they do a lovely latte, you should try it.

The evening session was a bit hard going, but Granny has made plenty of notes and guess what the old bird will be doing this weekend?

At the moment Granny is feeling very overwhelmed by it all and is really fretting over the exam which is looming.

Granny would gladly sit on the casting couch if it ensured that she got a pass!

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

Granny knew it was going to be a funny sort of day as she sat waiting in her car ready to go into college.

The old gal was memorised by all the pigeons sitting on a empty building, then suddenly they all leaped off en-mass and flew in great big sweeping circles several times.

It was like a scene from old Alfie H's The Birds. They looked so sweet and innocent, then without warning, the little buggers dive bombed in front of anyone that was walking in front of the cenotaph.

Granny would be most grateful if someone could tell her why? (Kinky, you are a mind of useful information - whats the gen on this)?

Granny made her way into the college and was a bit early so she had to sit outside the classroom waiting for the 70's throwback to arrive.

Out of the corner of Granny's eye she could see a familiar sight making its way up the flight of stairs. The sight of Blondie puzzled Granny for a while because something was different. At first the old gal wasn't sure, he still had the same old strut and cocky walk as ever.

What could it be?

It was his golden locks - they were loose and flowing onto his shoulders, the little black ribbon was gone and his matted mane was in its full glory. But there was something else, it wasn't blond!

Granny can't be certain, but it looks as though he has put one of them rinses on it because now he is a ginger "knob" in every sense of the word!

I think the hair dye had nobbled Blondie cum Ginger Knobs brain as he didn't know his arse from his elbow today. His teaching methods (or should I say lack of them) were the worst that Granny has experienced.

He was flitting about from one subject to another like he had ants in his britches, talking of britches, he still had the dodgy stain on the front of his trousers! The jury is still out on that one!

Blondie's bitch wasn't on the scene today so not sure if that had some effect on "B" as he definitely wasn't on form.

Today, "B" lost one of his most ardent fan club members. This particular lady, Miss B C (aka Florence Nightingale - that's another story) has been struggling somewhat with the old farts methods and today this culminated into a very unpleasant spectacle.

She asked the old porn star to slow down a bit as she wasn't quite grasping the situation, but the old geezer turned on her and uttered several disparaging remarks in front of the whole class (this was not called for). We are all struggling, but she had been brave enough to voice her concerns, but ended up being pistol whipped for it.

The poor old soul burst into tears and left the classroom. The old bugger never even batted an eyelid but then went on to say to Florence's neighbour (gob on a stick) that it wasn't fair that she had to sit next to her. He's a two faced old ........ He is the most uncaring creature Granny has laid eyes on for sometime.

Its not nice seeing someone distressed like that and Florrie had really taken it to heart. I know she is struggling and Granny accepts that "B" does have a time-table to adhere to (an ill prepared one at that) but there are ways of talking to people and dealing with difficult situations. Blondie is definitely lacking in people skills.

Blondie has the distasteful habit of coming out with inappropriate comments. While we were concentrating on the work that he had set us, he suddenly spouted out to a couple of lads in the group, that he would like them to be at one of his gigs. He said that they would have the opportunity for sex and drugs, (I suppose the rock and roll would be "B"!) God forbid!

How the hell this bloke ever got to the position he is in today teaching young impressionable students is beyond Granny's comprehension! Thank god for sanctuary time, it was a most welcomed event and one Granny greeted with open arms.

After filling Granny's belly with kinky sausage, chips and peas, the old gal was ready to tackle the evening session.

Although Granny isn't keen on the whole AAT thing, she likes the evening session with a different tutor.

This particular person is so professional and well prepared and you leave the room at the end of the evening, actually believing that you have learnt and achieved something.

Blondie - take note!

Bad Moon Rising!

It was a day of panic for our Blondie. Last week he told us that he was going to be observed during today's lesson.

We had already been instructed that we had to turn up on time, ensure all our homework had been completed and generally show Blondie was not really the ****** that he portrays to us every week. This was going to be a difficult task.

Blondie's Bitch was there early with her low cut top. Blondie likes this as its pleasing to his eye and to be quite honest it does distract him a bit. This enables Granny to play for time if she is struggling on a particular question. Granny just has to make Blondie's Bitch laugh and this in turn, makes her bazoomas wobble and Blondie has succumbed!

We filed into the classroom and "B" was in a panic trying to get everything organised. Every time the classroom door opened Blondie nearly wet his pants thinking it was the "observer".

The lesson got underway and Blondie calmed down somewhat as it looked as though he was not going to be "watched" in our lesson and it would now be his evening lesson. Hurray for us because we don't have the old tosser now at the night class. Yay!

Now Granny once mentioned about the Grand Canyon and OMG it was like the repeats that are shown on telly over Christmas. First time round is probably just about manageable, but second time round you desperately lose the will to live.

Miss BC 2008 give us the most shocking replay of her winning assets (assets are not the right word to describe what Granny is talking about, but she doesn't know what the opposite is).

One minute the classroom is bathed in light and the next was just like an eclipse with knobs on. Even our old porn star was shocked and all he could mutter was that he had been looking for somewhere to park his bike. And right there in front of him was his answer. Bejesus, you have seen nowt like it.

An uneasy atmosphere settled amongst the class and the rest of the lesson just seemed to pass in a blurr.

Both gob on sticks had their fair share of air time and Granny was glad when the lesson came to a halt. The old gal needed her battery charging fast.

Arnie was waiting for us with the big "Arnie smile". Granny really looks forward to this particular time of day as she is amongst good friends and she adores them all.

The evening lesson again was a joy as it is with the best (in Granny's eyes) tutor in the college. She is so lovely and has time and patience for everyone. Blondie really needs to take a leaf out of her book and see how its done.

Its hard going and Granny is not afraid to admit that she is struggling at times, but she is determined to see it through and hopefully all the hard work and determination will pay off.

If it doesn't, then get a length of hosepipe at the ready!

"Just give me an hour".

Granny can't believe how quick the Christmas holidays have flown by and its back to college again. The thought of Blondie beckoning is enough to put you off your breakfast for life.

Its been great these last few weeks not having to go to college and most of all, not having any homework to do.

Today felt like you were going to the dentist and you know you are going to have a filling.

There is going to be pain, lots of it, numbness, a big horrible sucker making advances towards you, then finally having to spit out bits of shrapnel into a giant bowl. This describes Blondie's lesson perfectly.

Now Mr "B" told us last year that the class would be downsizing after Christmas. He is a bloody liar. The room was still as full, still as stuffy and still stinks of sweaty trainers.

The Blondie fan club was in full glory hanging on to every word. There was so much eye-lash fluttering, Granny thought the window was open or someone was turbo charged!

Granny thinks Mr Angry wasn't in a good frame of mind today. We never had our "Hi Team" greeting, that's a bad omen. Granny now always carries protection because you never know when you are going to need it!.

The lesson went totally over Granny's head, it was about partnerships and appropriation. Christ knows what the hell Blondie was talking about.

He taught us in his usual cack-handed fashion, which in turn leaves everyone in a state of Zombiness. His favourite phrase came into play "Just give me an hour" !!!!

Blondie and few others went out for a break which just left a few people in the classroom. We already know we have one gob on stick, but now we have another fighting for first place.

She is like a great big ruddy fog horn and at the top of her voice she screeched how she was breastfeeding her babies and how men are turned on by breastfeeding women. These "babies" are 4 and 7! TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

The highlight of our day was when Mr Pink Hat Man came to the rescue.

While Mr "B" was out of the room having one of is usual "breaks". Pinkie fired up Youtube on the smart board and kicked into action Fred Zeppelin. Granny has not laughed so much for a long time.

Blondie looked even more of a K.S. then ever as he was frolicking about on the big screen.

After the days exciting events it was time to go and visit the sanctuary. It wasn't the same this evening as Blondie's Bitch was missing and she missed the wonderful events that took place during the day.

Back at the ranch it was time for our 2nd lesson. This was a complete joy as it was our evening tutor from last year and she is absolutely fantastic.

Nothing is too much trouble for her and her teaching material is well prepared beforehand. Any problems and she is there to offer a helping hand.

The evening was great but Mr Angry had a bit of turn towards the end, which I suppose was justified in a way. He was upset that we are having to learn "stuff" that we will never use in the "real world", but this "stuff" is on the exam paper so its relevant and important that we are taught it.

It was a long tiring day and Granny was knackered by the end of it. She just can't wait for next week.

Turbo charged!

The day that Granny had been dreading had finally arrived.

Today was the first of our exams and Granny was not feeling over confident about sitting it.

For most of the past week she had been trying to think of an excuse for not taking the exam, but short of snuffing it, she couldn't think of anything that Blondie would believe.

Granny is too old for this kind of claptrap, she should be enjoying the twilight of her years knitting bed socks and the like, not gallivanting around school corridors with kids.

But as one of my previous blogs stated, me old boss who is now retired, thought that old Granny would benefit from doing this three year course.

Its alright for him, he's sitting at home with his slippers and pipe, but poor old Granny's life is being shortened by the minute by these nail biting events.

Granny has been doing extra revision in preparation for today's onslaught. She has lived and breathed VAT 100, index linked, ratios and moving averages for the last few weeks.

The old bird should be out there enjoying herself and embracing what's left of her life. She shouldn't be spending nights alone with boring old text books and having to succumb to Blondie's whims!

Last night Granny thought she needed a bit of brain fodder. She thought she should eat something that would give her energy and brain power. The only thing she had in her cupboard was a tin of Branston Baked Beans and Sausages.

Beans are supposed to be good for you, so Granny indulged in this delicacy at around 23:45. This would give the beans chance to do their magic (after all, it worked in Jack and the Beanstalk) and set Granny on the right road for the exam.

Bloody hell!

You have heard and seen nowt like it. Granny woke up to a peculiar green mist and needed to take oxygen before even managing to crawl out of bed. A few puffs on her inhaler did the trick.

Granny's rockets were charged, and by god she could have got to the college under her own steam so to speak.

All Granny needed was a bit of turbo power to set her in the right frame of mind and the old gal was raring to go - rockets on full thrust.

Granny met up with Mr "A", Kinky Sausage, Mini Driver and Blondie's Bitch. We exchanged a bit of chit-chat and we could all tell that each other were bricking it.

Blondie appeared out of the wood work and and went into the classroom, we were not allowed to follow him, he was "preparing himself" (just don't even go there).

There were only a handful of us actually sitting the exam this afternoon as the others had either done it last night, this morning or later this evening.

Blondie's fan club were nowhere to be seen. The Irish Bint and Miss Bum Crack 2008 had already taken the exam so it was really peaceful apart from one little interruption. A fellow student had a bad cough amongst other things and he made her sit outside in the corridor and take the exam! - Note to self - keep yer rockets under control Granny.

The exam was just like Christmas - weeks of preparation and its over in a blink of an eye. Three hours seemed liked three minutes. Was it really worth all the worry and sleepless nights?

Roll on next Wednesday when we get our results. Granny can see an awful lot of bottles of Shiraz being consumed before next week.

There is one bright side to all of this - Granny gets to drink loads of the red stuff as she has a genuine excuse to do so.

Cheers!

Builders Botties - Not!

Now if this is what Granny had to look at all afternoon she would be happy, but no, the old gal has never been that lucky in life.

She was subjected to the most horrific sight you could ever imagine. Right in front of old Granny was the biggest crevice you had ever seen in your life. How the hell the old gal was supposed to concentrate with the Grand Canyon looming before her very eyes, god alone knows.

It was very off putting and Granny was frightened of being swallowed up in the dark depths of one of Blondie's fan club members, bum.

She had to balance her pencil case on a stack of books to block out this scary orifice that was staring her in the face.

Granny felt quite queasy all afternoon and couldn't give Blondie the full attention that he commands.

Talking of Blondie - he is still the same old "knob shank" as my late son-in-law would have described him. He would have had Blondie's measure right from the word go - god rest his soul.

Its been quite an uneventful day really apart from the builders bum incident. Tensions are running high as the exam is next week and I would say that at least half of the class are not ready to take it, including Granny.

Blondie's teaching methods are really something to be desired. How the hell he manages to get paid the dosh he does for teaching a load of bollocks is beyond me. I am not saying that the AAT course is bollocks - its just the bloke teaching it.

He never gives you a chance. He will prattle on about stuff that isn't relevant, mainly about his ex-girlfriends. We have had the one who was going to make him a dad but she lost the baby and he was glad. Then there was another who was a thief stealing stuff from the shop where she worked.

Now I know Granny is a bit long in the tooth, but even she knows that this has nothing to do with AAT. She is still trying to make the connection as she is typing her blog at this very moment.

Blondie should go back to being the porn star, maybe he was better at it than teaching. Me thinks not - you can just imagine, in between his thrusts, he would chirp up "did I tell you about the girlfriend who ........."

Stud Muffin

Granny was feeling a bit under the weather this morning when she got up to go to college today.

She has been of late, over-indulging in beverages of an alcoholic nature and its played havoc with the old gal and brought her bunions up summat rotten.

She has had a tiring weekend mostly blowing her horn and it has really taken its toll on the old bird.

Going to college without all your faculties intact is not the best of ideas, but hey, Granny never has been the full shilling so some people would say anyway.

Blondie arrived early today which caught Granny unawares as he usually likes to strut his stuff down the corridor with his feathers all ablaze then has a quick preen before entering the classroom. But not today though.

He made a beeline for his bitch and asked her to rub his belly for him because he had eaten too much at the Lord Burton. Granny rolled her eyes in dismay coz it made her feel sick.

I swear that the classroom gets smaller each week or the tables have shrunk. Its like an obstacle course trying to get into your seat and you are lucky if you don't go arse over tit while doing the manoeuvres.

Poor old kinky sausage had Mr A's bags up his backside whilst sitting at his desk and Blondies bitch belts Granny in the back of the neck with her bosoomas every time she has to get by. I could put a compo claim in for assault from a pair of maracas.

Blondie as usual, likes the sound of his own voice and tends to digress from the subject matter and ends up waffling over something and nothing that has bugger all to do with AAT.

Blondie confirmed Grannies suspicions (if you had read her previous blogs) that he was a porn star from the 70's era. I knew it - I thought I had seen him in some old dodgy home movie. He went on to say that he had appeared in something with his rock band - entitled "LARGE".

We had a stud muffin in our presence - yuk I think not. "Large" I think he ain't.

The Blondie fan club were like something from "When Harry met Sally". There is one particular fan club member who would lay her life down for "B" her eyes glazed over and she looked all over come! I was in two minds whether to call out the paramedics.

Again, we were working on stuff that wasn't relevant to the up and coming exam. We were working on something that we don't have an exam in until April. This has left us with two weeks to concentrate on the relevant subject matter for the exam in December.

Granny is constantly banging her head against a brick wall trying to grasp the situation. She feels she is missing something here, but not quite sure what.

Our little group had the visit to the "Sanctuary" giving Arnie one last chance to behave. He was very subdued tonight and quite reserved. Perhaps he felt that he had over stepped the mark last week or had read Granny's blog calling him a cruentus appareo!

The latter session was full of the usual mystique. There were quite a few of the class missing this evening. The butch female version of Mr A was absent as was her side-kick.

Mr Nasal Passage was a right pain in the neck. All you could hear all night long was his fog horn of a voice permeating the atmosphere. He even dared to upstage Granny when she was doing her "good girl angel routine" how dare he, how very bloody dare he.

Not sure what we have been taught tonight as I think it could have been done in an email to us as it wasn't very informative. We have all been supplied with a copy of a previous test paper to complete at home for homework.

This aged tutor, cum rock porn star is being paid a load of dosh for teaching us nowt.

Amplitudo ero laetus ut is tractus est super

This college course is playing havoc with Granny's sleeping time. She has to get up early and head off into town to nab a good parking spot that isn't too far away from the college.

Granny cant do much trundling around just yet as her new knee has to bed in a little.

Granny thought she would do a little retail therapy before class and had a meander around the shops looking for an outfit that would be suitable for a 60's/70's night that she is attending in December.

Now you would have thought that the old bat would have had this type of clothing in her wardrobe already, but this granny likes to think she is trendy for her age and ditched the old biddy clothing long ago.

After having a successful shopping spree, Granny headed off for the college scene, with her bloody great big heavy bag slung over her shoulder.

There should be some law about carrying bags that make one of your shoulders droop to your knees. I know your body defies gravity with age, its bad enough having boobs dangling out from underneath your skirt without adding other body parts.

Granny made her way to the the 3rd floor to queue up ready for the classroom to be opened by our Blondie. We all wait in anticipation for this big event. Our team leader aka Mr Angry was in high spirits and gave us the Mr "A" greeting - "hi team".

You can tell what sort of day its going to be by just looking at the students that roll in one by one. We had a chewer in our midst today. He had a gob full of chewing gum and you could hear him slurping on it from about six miles up the road (perhaps exaggerating a bit - but you get my drift).

One of "the team" could have easily done him in by the end of the lesson it got that irritating along with gob on a stick who likes to poke her nose into every ones business. A right miss no-it-all. Don't you just hate people who know everything and get everything right.

Blondie made his way down the corridor - keys at the ready to open the classroom door, when he whispered into his bitches ear that he was pissed. Now granny wasn't sure what he meant by this as she is not used to that sort of language as you can tell from her blog - she is very wholesome.

Blondie has a tendency to say a lot of things tongue in cheek, but sometimes I think he may be speaking the truth in certain areas. Granny has yet to fathom that out. But make no mistake, Sherlock Granny is on the case.

Blondie kicked off the lesson by asking us if we were taught Latin at school. Now I am not sure where this fits into AAT, but Blondie seems to think it has some relevance.

It reminded me so much of one of our other tutors lessons last year, we had to investigate a stabbing. Not quite sure where this fits into the accounting scene, but hey, Granny is a novice, what does she know.

As it turned out, nobody had been taught Latin, not even Blondie, so I am not sure why it was even mentioned in the first place! Blondie sermo a sarcina of ........!

The "teams" sanctuary was calling so we made our way swift on foot. Now me mate with the kinky sausage was in for a nasty surprise. Arnie was waiting for him and pounced on him from behind.

Shock, horror - me poor mate was jabbed, poked, stabbed or whatever you would like to call it, with a knife in the back of his leg. Poor lad was traumatised all night, much to the point that we may need to look at finding a new sanctuary. Not sure where Arnie is coming from, but its not funny anymore - I think he has a screw loose! Cruentus appareo!

Amplitudo est a madide ulterius quod has had unus quoque plures dum stilus is blog.

Bonus nox noctis quod deus beatus.

Battered, Bruised and Bewildered.

Yes folks its that time again - another wonderful day spent at Burton College in the company of our beloved tutor (yuk wheres me sick bag).

Granny got to the college nice and early so she could nab a good parking spot. By getting there at a reasonable time it gave the old gal time to finish off her homework and hopefully earn a few brownie points.

No, she aint becoming a member of the Blondie fan club (not in this life anyway) but just trying to keep the old git off her back.

Mr Angry, who is more composed these days, had a bit of chit-chat with granny. We discussed Blondie's teaching methods or should I say - lack of them. Mr A is quite calm these days probably due to medication!

Blondie's bitch was in fine fettle and had been able to secrete her bags in the classroom before it had been locked until the next lesson started (we have to queue up outside till "B" struts his stuff down the corridor and unlocks the classroom door). I suppose being his bitch does have its perks.

Everyone is shoe-horned into their seats and once you are in that's it, there is no escape. If you didn't know the person sitting next to you intimately at the start of the lesson, then you will do by the end. There is no personal space in this environment.

The first lesson addressed extended trial balances, we have been doing these for the last few weeks. Blondie mentioned that the exam for this wasn't until March! We were all under the impression that it was going to be December. Blondie had failed to tell us this, then he went on to say that we wouldn't be doing anymore work on this until nearer the time. (Shouldn't we be concentrating on the stuff we need to know for the exam that is looming - is granny missing something here? d'oh!)

The "B" fan club were in full glory this afternoon and when sitting behind them you could see little hearts floating out of the tops of their heads. Yes Blondie, no Blondie, any thing you say Blondie, let me kiss yer feet.

Granny wasn't happy today, she likes a good laugh and joke as the next woman, but with "B" he over steps the mark at times.

Today was one of those times. He seemed to think it rather funny to poke fun at a particular type of disability which was more prevalent in our era (Mr A's, B's and Granny's time).

I was not amused. Blondie would certainly benefit from a crash course in diversity training and I told him so, in no uncertain terms.

Later on during the afternoon, Blondie referred back to my reference about discrimination and he said that I had made him feel bad about what he had said - quite right too.

Chippy time - Our little group trotted off to Tommy's for tea. As I have mentioned previously, this is the highlight of our day. We have our own little table and treat it as our little sanctuary after a stressful day.

Now looking at Tommy ( I don't think thats his real name, he looks more like an Arnie to me) you wouldn't think that he could duff someone up - but you would be wrong.

Another of me bezzie mates was on the receiving end of a wallop. This poor chick had done nowt wrong but order sausage, chips and beans.

Next minute Arnie delivered a blow that would knock yer bollocks off. Maybe its some form of greeting, we are still not sure.

Me mate was in shock. Arnie was smiling - which was frightening in its self and then he sent a round of bread for us all to have with our tea. Then to add insult to injury, me mates sausage had a bit of a kink in it and was subject to ridicule - poor lad, he's never going to be the same again, bless him.

The evening session entailed completing a past test paper which is the actual type of exam we can expect in December - and not the extended trial balances as first thought.

"Shite"