Star Studded Cast

It was back to college after having a lovely week off due to half term. It was horrible getting up this morning knowing that I would have to spend the day in our Blondie's company.

I am really trying to like him - honest, I am, but its not working. I think it is a love hate relationship. He loves himself and I, well, I think you know the answer to that one.

Our aged rock cum porn star never ceases to amaze me. He was in full porn mode today and made a number of references to the dodgy side of life. Even me bezzie mate has become his bitch. God what is the world coming to. Slap me bitch up!

Anyway, where was I, we are digressing a little.

Today was full of the usual promises. Gob on stick wore some bloody iffy looking hat which reminded me of Andy Capp (is he still going in the Daily Mirror or has he snuffed it).

The usual Blondie fan club was a bit thin on the ground which must have been quite disconcerting for "B". The front row doey eyed folk were nowhere to be seen, probably having some sort of Blondie firework "do" in his honour - after all, it is November 5th. Light a rocket for me and shove it where the sun don't shine.

I just can't get to grips with his teaching methods (what teaching methods), I thought old Geoff was crap but give me lovely old Geoff any day. At least you could take the "p" with him.

This evening we had a visit from the Simpsons and Julie Roberts. They have got their knickers in a twist with their VAT return and needed our help in sorting out their affairs.

Well - it comes to something when one of the students has to show "B" how its done. By the time we had finished, me head was mush. Figures were being thrown around, here, there and everywhere. Blondie - by his own admission, was struggling with this particular area.

We have found his achilles heel - yay !

Its been an irritating night for granny, Mr Nasal Passage has voiced his opinions and questioned the answers "B" has given - he does this every Wednesday - for christs sake - just accept that the answers are right - Blondie has them written down and has used them for years - you aint gonna change it!

Some biddy had a phone going off at regular intervals with the theme tune Dr Who. I can't take much more - its me age - the old birds had it.

Am I ever going to make it - God - I have another year of this - can I take it - NO!

Somebody, please, help Granny!

All Quiet on the Western Front

Granny didn't know what to expect after last weeks shenanigans but it was all quiet on the horizon.

Mr Angry had his happy head on and he gave me a crafty smile when he walked up the corridor to the classroom.

Blondie arrived in all his full glory strutting around like a peacock with his feathers fully "erect". Ooh er missus.

There is one thing I can say about the intermediate year, you just don't know what to expect - always expect the unexpected and you won't be disappointed - that's granny's motto.

The classroom was hot and stuffy as usual, with the scent of o'dor trainer lingering in the air. It was hard going working in that atmosphere.

Gob on a stick was present and somewhat incapacitated or should that be decapitated. She never shuts up and yes - she is a fully paid up member of the blondie fan club too.

Its hard going this time round and concentration levels have to be at their peak. If you take your eye of the "ball"so to speak, then that's it, you've had it. Talking of balls .......

There are so many little irritations and some bloody great big ones too, I just don't know how I am going to keep it all together.

Last year it was all the kids that got Granny's goat, but this year it goes way beyond that. To be fair, the kids in the class are a decent bunch and very respectful and I have this urge to mother them.

Blondie doesn't seem to grasp the fact that there are several different age categories within the class. I am not sure I like being called "good girl angel" after I have read out a paragraph aloud, as I am almost certain that the chaps are not happy with "good boy". For Christs sake, I am an old bag with three kids and two grandchildren.

The bit I like best about college is when we go to the chippie in between lessons. This is my favourite time and one which gets me through the whole process. Without it, life would be unbearable.

I feel very blessed that I have made acquaintance with some very lovely friends. This little select group of friends are fantastic. They are very supportive and I enjoy their company very much.

We bombard Tommy's Fish Bar every Wednesday afternoon, its the highlight of our day and one I look forward to immensely.

These special people are like a little family to me and make me laugh so much. If it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have continued with the course this year.

The pressures are really hard this time round, and having these wonderful friends around make it so much easier.

I won't mention them by name, but they know who they are. One of them has a bear that wobbles when she laughs, and another, he likes big shiny sausages.

One loves her mini and last but not least, likes to bring his tea with him and looks as though he doesn't have a care in the world. These are splendid people indeed.

I have witnessed another side of Blondie tonight, one I didn't expect. We were just half way through completing a practice exam paper when low and behold the smart board suddenly burst into life displaying the ageing rock cum porn star.

Youtube hosts various video's of our blondie strutting his stuff. OMG!

There was no sound, but seeing blondie shaking his head back to and fro didn't leave much to the imagination. Granny has never seen anything like it in her life.

As soon as I got home I logged onto Youtube to get the full version

Don't give up the day job Blondie!

Mr Angry Goes Bananas

Well - Granny hasn't written for some time, because there hasn't been really much too write home about until today

Okay, the college scene was a big shock even 2nd time round. Blondie is constantly on my case and now has reverted to calling me STS after I tackled him about using my full title in front of the class. Everyone else is called by their christian names - but not granny - no, it had to be the full works.

Blondie is a throw back from the 70's which is a shame as I don't suppose he can help it. He puts me in mind of an aging rock or possibly porn star (the type from the home movies kind) not that granny has been acquainted with any I am sorry to say. There is life in the old gal yet.

The class is made up of weird, wonderful and not so wonderful people.

We have Blondie, who I have already spoken about. Gob on a stick is next in line, she was absent today. Then we have the growler, who constantly makes throaty noises while you are trying to concentrate.

Following close behind is the Blondie fan club. They worship the very ground that he walks upon. They sit there all do-ey eyed and worship every blond hair on his head. Aaahh.

The most exciting of all is the Mr and Mrs Angrys' of this world. There are a few dotted around the classroom. They seem to creep out of the woodwork at the most in-opportune time. They frighten Granny.

Today was one of those days that made Granny sit up and quiver in her little ole wrinkly stockings.

The lesson started off as a quite un-assuming lesson, learning about extended trial balances. Then out of nowhere the fireworks started (it wasn't even the 5th November). Someone had rattled Mr Angry's cage - and that someone was "Blondie".

We have to order books in to do the course and in this case some of Mr A's hadn't arrived, this tipped him over the edge. Out rolled the heavy artillery and we all donned hard hats and camouflage.

It was like a war zone, I half expected that reporter bloke off the telly in the white suit to pop up in the middle and do a TV report. Mr A just lost it and tore old Blondie to shreds.

Mr A wasn't happy about the classroom - which I did mention in my previous blog. It is crap, but Mr A pointed this out to us all with his angry head on. You can't see the whiteboard - or smart- board as it is called (can't see whats smart about it as it is on the side of the wall and we are all facing forwards).

You need binoculars to see what is written on it if you are sitting at the back. This and a combination of other things just sent Mr A bananas.

I can't believe I am saying this - but I did feel sorry for Blondie for a moment until I gathered my senses together and thought better of it. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander sprang to mind.

I can see where Mr A was coming from, but going crazy in the middle of a class is not the best way to resolve issues. In fact it was quite embarrassing.

Anyway to cut a long story short - we all legged it and went to the chippy.



C'est la vie.

Granny's done it again.

I must be bonkers as I have yet again enrolled for another year of hell courtesy of Burton College.

You would have thought that I had learnt my lesson (no pun intended) the first time, but no, glutton for punishment, there is life in the old bag yet.

On managing to pass my first year Foundation in AAT, I was quite spurred on to invest in another year of torture.

Since embarking on this epic adventure, I have now hit the big 50. There is no turning back as I haven't got many years left and these are years I can ill afford to waste.

I went along to the college like a good old granny should and completed the necessaries to enable me to commence the AAT Intermediate. I had a new photo taken - to prove that I am a student and which enables me to have lots of discounts in various shops in Burton.

I have only taken the opportunity of discounts a couple of times as I have always felt uncomfortable at letting the shopkeepers know that an old granny can be a student.

They do look at me a bit queer when I tell them I am a student and then I have to rummage around in me bag to get the damned card out to prove it. I am sure they still don't believe me even though my photo is sprawled across the top of it.

My first class was yesterday (10th September). I went marching through the college doors like an old pro and I gave out death stares and barged into as many other students as possible (that's what you do isn't it when you are at college) and I felt quite a home.

Queueing up for the class it looked better than last years prospects. No kids - maybe just a smattering. Innit and Random were there from last year, but Cool was nowhere to be seen. There was only one three witches from Eastwick too. The others must have gone off on their brooms to warmer climes.

The tutor - well what can I say about him that's kind. He's my age but still living in the era of the 70/80's. He has long blond curly permed hair tied into a pony tale with a nice little neat black ribbon done up in a bow! (God I hope he doesn't read this as I have probably shot me arrow before I have started).

There are 28 of us crammed into a tiny classroom. We are sitting at tables that are designed to accommodate one, but now seat two. There is no air in the classroom as the windows open an inch (that's to stop you committing suicide should the lesson get to much) and when these are open, there isn't anything to stop them banging shut, so its bang bang bang bang bang. Then blondie shuts them so no one can breathe.

The room stinks of orrible sweaty trainers so it's like being trapped in one big sweaty shoe. Its no good if you like your own personal space, because you aint got none in this environment.

The first lesson was all about final accounts and I waited in anticipation for blondie to start writing stuff on the blackboard in front. This year I am crammed into a seat at the front instead of being at the back like last year and having my view obscured by lovely old Vic, who wasn't with us this term.

Apparently, so I am told by blondie, that there is a new policy in place at the college that the use of black boards should be discouraged and that the electronic white boards should be used instead. That's fine - I am all for new technology etc. except this bloody white board is situated on the side walls of the room, but the desks all face forwards.

Try sitting looking at a white board with your neck twisted for 6 hours - it aint fun and its not funny.

Blondie was oblivious to this and didn't seem to see our heads bobbing from side to side every time we had to copy down stuff from the board. I was feeling a big queasy by the end of it all, it was like being on a ship and having sea-sickness.

The content of the lesson is hard going and we have stepped up a notch from last year. Half of the class have already done the 2nd year and have failed so are re-sitting. This makes it difficult for us newbies as blondie ploughs on full steam ahead forgetting that some are being left behind.

Then there is a gob on a stick - some Irish bint who keeps shouting out all the answers and not giving anyone the chance to open their mouth, even though the questions aren't aimed at her.

By the time the end of the lesson came I was in a stupor - not drunken which I would have preferred. I was brain dead and didn't know what had hit me.

I went to sit in my car for an hour before the next 3 hour stint. Gemma my daughter rang me to see how I was getting on, I was determined not to cry into my handbag as I did last year. But she must bring out the emotional side of me. I could feel my voice wobbling when I was talking to her and once again there she was telling me it will get better as each week passes.

The evening session wasn't so crowded, there are only 16 of us, so it was a bit more bearable. The lesson was hard and again, blondie took no prisoners. He's an odd bloke not sure what to make of him yet. He's very sexist and likes his jokes about women and tends to put them down.

He is crap on the computer and makes the students do his typing so it appears on the white board. Its like being back at school as we have to take it in turns to read out aloud different paragraphs of the subject material. You can tell that I am really warming to this chappie can't you.

We have plenty of homework to keep us busy over the coming week and blondie has given us a list of items we need to buy for his next lesson.

I can see me getting lines or detention as I feel quite rebellious at times.

Bring it on Blondie.

The End is Nigh

At last Granny has something to sing about. Only one more week to go and its all over.

June 17th is D Day.

I can't believe how quickly the first year has gone - even though I have hated every minute of it.

One more final exam to go and then thats it until September.

Dear god please do not let me fall at the final hurdle me nerves can't take it.

I shall be able to lay off the wine on Monday evenings for a while. Year two is going to be all day Wednesday.

I will get me wine cellar topped up ready!

When Granny starts again in September she will have a brand new knee, what better way to start a new term and she will be 50.

I can hear you saying what an earth is an old bird like that going to college for - you had better ask my boss that question.

I am doing time - 3 years to be precise at his request, now the old bugger is retiring in July and won't be there to greet me at the gates when I am released. How unfair is that!

The whole college scene has been a learning curve for me. I have learnt many new words, some I can't repeat on here. I won't feel so intimidated next term and will walk through those college doors like a pro!

Well - I shall be packing me little bag up and will be putting it away until the new term starts.

What am I going to do without my Monday stints at college. Will I get withdrawal symptoms. Am I going to be able to cope with not going. Will I find something to fill the void.

You bet your bottom dollar I can.

Long time no speak!

Granny hasn't posted for a while and what better time than now to catch up.

Its the Easter break so I haven't to go back for a couple of weeks. This should give me time to re-charge my batteries a little.

I must admit that the past few weeks have been very tough going and I have really felt my age! We have sat two exams and have the biggy to take on June 17th. I am not sure if I will survive until then.

The learning curve seems to be getting bigger and bigger and my college bag is getting heavier and heavier.

Why can't I be just like the young uns that seem to soak up the knowledge like a sponge. I am like an old wrung out face cloth that's battered and worn.

The first year is getting nearer to finishing and just leaves another 2 years to go. Will I make it I continually ask myself.

Other pressures elsewhere have had an impact and have made it really tough going. Its been hard to juggle work, band and college commitments together. Something has got to give but not sure which!

"Cool, Innit and Random" are still on the scene and still making my blood boil. The have no regard for anyone else but themselves and continually make the lessons difficult. I just hope to god they are not in next years intake because I will probably do one of them in if they are.

This college thing has been an eye-opener for me and the journey to the final finishing post seems to be a long and ardious task and I will be knocking on 52 when I come out the other end.

Hopefully it will put a few extra bob in me pocket at the end of the day and will help towards me pension when I retire in approximately 10 years time. (Civil Servants are done at 60).

Well - I am making most of the two Mondays off before I go back and have hid me college bag away until its time to return.

I must try and post more regularly, but by the time I have come back from college each Monday evening, I am either brain dead or too p####d up to write anything.

See you soon.

Gran xx

The Worm Has Turned

Its been a funny sort of week and its only Monday!

I find it very difficult to prepare myself for college after the weekend. The feeling reminds me of when I was a little girl and absolutely dreaded the thought of having to go back to school and would have done almost anything to get out of it.

But being the brave soldier that I am, I would not succumb to, or even think about skiving! (If you believe that then you will believe anything).

This afternoons session again, involved the use of computers and entailed working our way around the SAGE finance package. I must admit I was feeling rather annoyed today as we seemed to be covering old ground due to the fact that some students couldn't be bothered to work last week.

This had a knock on effect and meant repeating stuff that we had already done. Time is precious and it really angers me that this wasted time could have been put to better use in the work place. Taking a day out from work is so time consuming and it means playing catch up the rest of the week.

Excuse me, I feel a Victor Meldrew moment coming on !!

Today has been an eye-opener for me and my college colleague. We had fired up our PCs ready to tackle SAGE and raring to go. After having a quick shufty around the classroom, we seemed to be the only ones logged into the programme.

The Three Witches of Eastwick who had turned into two, were on a different planet. One was tuned into restaurants in Birmingham and the other was into tarot card readings. One of the witches was also having a conversation on her mobile discussing the previous nights television programmes. Another reprobate was looking at the spec of i-pods.

My colleague and I just looked at each other in disbelief. She signalled to me WTF is going on here. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. I am desperately losing the will to live !

All of a sudden the session was cut short. Bham ! Our tutor had lost his blob! He told us to pack up and backup the work we had done. He then singled out the degenerates and told them he was really pissed off with their behaviour. Good on yer!! Should have been said long ago.

With a bit of luck they will be history next week!

After this afternoons session I was like a druggie - all hyped up with adrenalin pumping through my veins and I couldn't wait for the evening session to commence. It turned out to be one of the best. My brain seemed for once, to except everything the tutor was telling me, and yes, it really did sink in.

Is Granny actually enjoying this whole AAT business !!

Letter from Grandma

Dear All

The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!"

What an exuberant Cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and I started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Margate back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".

I saw another guy waving in a funny way.. with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked your cousin George in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Zulu good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Zululand, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. George burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them. After all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Zulu good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonders.

Love Grandma

Nose to the Grindstone

I can't believe how quickly each week flies by. No sooner am I thanking god that Monday is over, the next one is around before you know it.

I have had a weeks annual leave so getting myself into the right frame of mind for college has not been that easy. Getting my brain into gear has be an arduous task. No time for slacking as the next exam is just around the corner.

The day has not been too bad. This afternoons session was really
good, probably because half of the class was missing (all the naughty ones) and it went really well. Again, as last week, it was computer based so a bit of hands work kept the interest up.

We are now learning about the accounting package SAGE. It seems really odd for me to be using this because we use ORACLE in the work place. It went well though and although I hate to admit it, I really enjoyed it.

I think I am bedding into the college scene now. I can meet goths and other creatures and not bat an eyelid. I have learnt to push and barge my way through just like everyone else, if I didn't, I would get crushed, as I have previously found out to my detriment.

Tonight, again was good, we have been learning all about Purchase Ledgers. I didn't have a clue at one point what was going on when the tutor used a projector linked to her laptop. The writing on the board was minuscule and now I am left with a permanent frown between me brows. Next week I shall take my noculars and hopefully get a better view!

Well that's another week under my belt, only two and a bit years to go!

Dawning of a New Day

Well the day has finally arrived - Exam Results Time! I must admit I have not really thought much about this day coming what with Christmas and Band Concerts.



I didn't feel particularly worried this morning either, in fact I felt quite calm whats done is done and can't be changed.

I had to get up really early as I had a physio appointment at the local hospital for 0830 so didn't have a great deal of time to think about much at all.

This afternoons session at college has probably been one of the most productive ones I have had the pleasure of attending since commencement last September. Although it was computer based it did go quite well. There were only two witches out of the three in attendance so they were rather quite, which was very unusual. The three stooges "Cool" "Random" and "Innit" were also missing, maybe that's why it was a good day.

I managed to slip home before the evening session started and have a bit of a warm as it is bloody freezing in that college.

I made my way to the classroom for tonight's lesson and everyone was asking each other how they thought they had done in the exam. The tutor arrived and I think everyone was trying to read her expression to see if it gave any information away.

The class started at 1800 and she made us wait until 1930 before the completed exam papers were returned to each of us. Now at this point I did feel a bit nervous especially as she went on to say that she was quite disappointed with the results. Oh God that's me up the Swanee then.

I was in for a very pleasant surprise, I had two small amendments to make (which were in actual fact just silly errors). Once these are marked again next week I am home and dry. It was a great feeling, but I did feel really sad for those people that have to re-sit the exam, because that could have very easily been me.

We have more exams to work towards in March, May and June so it ain't over until the fat lady sings!